I wish I could change. I really do. But I'm a horrible abusive monster. I can't control it either, it's like a switch gets flipped and I go from perfectly normal to a screaming asshole who hits you.
I don't know why you stay with me, other than you say it's ok. But it isn't. Part of me wishes you'd leave so I'd have to do something about it but you don't.
I'm sorry I hit you. I'm sorry I scream at you. I don't know how to change but I'll keep trying.