Fuck your bedazzled jeans, your skinny jeans and especially your parent's genes. Fuck your Dollar Tree hair dye, your hipster Olympia/PBR orders, your oppressive economy, your $.50 tips, your cock-ring studded belts, bad food and worse weather. Your abominable state "newspaper" which is only good for Pearls Before Swine and the crossword (not yours, the Times you reprint six weeks late). Btw, being an aggressive lesbian isn't trendy anymore, and personal hygiene doesn't have to be a myth. Who am I referring to here? Let's just say that even Jesus hates this entire State of being.
Ode on a Odious State of Being
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.