It's another magnificent summer in the Pacific NW. We've endured another looong, gray, wet winter and it's time to embark on our summer camping adventures at one of the countless sites available within a short hop of the Portland metro area. The trees are lush and green, the streams, rivers and lakes are cool and inviting, and birds and other wildlife critters are chirping with delight at the abundance of summer folly that surrounds us all...but wait....something stinks in camping paradise....
Oh, it's you, you fucking selfish MO-RONS who think that OUR land is your bedroom in your mom's fucking basement! You've left shitheaps of shit, fecal-spattered toilet paper, garbage, cans, bottles, broken glass, greasy McDonalds' containers, burned-out cigarette butts and every other gross piece of trash imaginable strewn about the campsite like it's your own personal landfill!
My anger boils and my stomach churns when I arrive at an otherwise pristine campsite for a peaceful woodsy retreat and I'm greeted by the sight of a bunch of unwanted "presents" from all of you litterbug fucks who feel it's your god-given right to fuck things up by flagrantly disregarding the most basic of camping tenents: "Pack it in, pack it the FUCK OUT!!!" This means you, you trash-for-brains fucksticks!!!
So please, I am FUCKING BEGGING YOU...next time you head out on your own camping escapades, have fun, be safe and be responsible by picking up your own shit! Leave the campsite the way you'd expect to find it when you arrive for some peace and solitude in our majestic forestlands. If you can't do this one simple thing, may your tent smell like beer farts and maggots invade your dreams, shitheads!!!