It's been a full year since Spring Breakers came out, so the statute of limitations for Spring Breakers spoilers has to be up by now, right? Good, because any Spring Breakers without Alien is not a Spring Breakers I'm interested in seeing. I'm going to fit the italicized words Spring Breakers into this paragraph one more time before moving on to the next one.
Via Screen Daily comes the unwelcome news that Spring Breakers: The Second Coming will be... coming soon, and while the bewildering madman behind the first one, Harmony Korine, isn't mentioned at all, they do note that Irvine Welsh is writing the script (sure, okay!) and the film will feature "allusions to some of the characters in the original," which is code for "none of the characters from the original." With Alien dead, Faith gone home, and Korine nowhere to be seen, there's roughly a 100 percent chance that the magical, horrific formula that blended skeeze and humor and creepiness in Spring Breakers can never be replicated. But they're going to try to do it anyway! And now, rather than think about this anymore, I'm just going to rewatch the Britney Spears scene. Good day.