- Left to right: Peter Jackson, Wm. Steven Humphrey, Erik Henriksen (not actual photo), and... YOU???
Last year, you might remember, myself and Mercury Editor-in-Chief Wm. Steven Humphrey took one lucky Blogtown reader to Denny's! Becuase Denny's had a Hobbit-themed menu, you see, and if there's one thing Steve and I will do at any given second—just say the goddamn word—it's eat a bunch of terrible food that is in some way tied in to the release of a major motion picture.
Well, guess what, motherfuckers: Denny's is
going H.A.M. pretending they're in Middle-earth again, which means me and Steve will be eating a Hobbit-ified breakfast there again, and because we had a tolerable time so much fun last year, we're going to take all one of you with us! Denny's new and improved (?) Hobbit-themed menu is out, featuring such mouth-watering, beard-greasing items as...
• The "Build Your Own Hobbit Slam"
• Bowman's Brew Pumpkin Coffee
• Smaug's Fire Burger with X-Sauce
• Elven Woodland Pies
• The Hobbit Hole Breakfast
• Dwarves' Turkey & Dressing Dinner
I don't want to eat any of those things! What the fuck is X-Sauce! But I will.
HERE'S THE DEAL: If you win this contest, the Mercury will take YOU out to Hobbit Breakfast at a Portland-area Denny's of our choosing, where you'll be treated to (1) scintillating converstaion with me and Steve, possibly featuring Steve's dramatic synopsis of The Lord of the Rings films*, (2) whatever item off of the Hobbit-themed menu you can talk yourself into ordering, and (3) probably some mean looks from the scary teenagers who hang out by the door at Denny's, smoking and glaring at anyone who actually goes inside! Such delightful mornings are rarely found outside of Rivendell!
So what's the contest, you ask? Well, since it worked out so well last time, and as it's pretty humiliating for everyone involved, we shall once again delve into everyone's least favorite art form... poetry. The person who writes the "best" Hobbit-themed poem (judged by ME) and posts it in the comments below by 3 pm on Wednesday, November 13, will be deemed the winner. Repeat entries are allowed, and you can write your poems as long as you want, though keep in mind I have a very short attention span and there are probably better things you should be doing with your time. I think that's it! Start writing some nerd poetry, Blogtown readers... and start preparing for the most magical morning of your crappy life.
*Steve has never seen and will never see any of The Lord of the Rings films.