Yay! I am so glad that the warm summer months had inspired you to dust off the garaged bikes you've been hoarding all winter. You all looked really cute on your beach cruisers, especially when tailed by a couple of kids swerving all over the fucking esplanade while you stop to take pictures or roll up your pants. Since the fair-weather rider list of malfeasants would be endless if not pared down to the bullshit you pull in only a specific area, let's talk quickly about that: the esplanade. First of all, stay to the fucking RIGHT. People are inevitably going to need to pass your leisurely asses and few of you seem to understand that this stretch of terrain is meant to be treated, in an idyllic world, like a road. Next, if you are in a group, please stop riding three cyclists parallel to one another. You make it impossible for people to get by and you are triply oblivious to shit going on around you. Thirdly, if you have kids, see numbers one and two. Don’t bring the little shits on the esplanade if you are not going to control them. Remember: some of do this all season long. Some of us are on our way to work. Get with the program or put your cruiser back where it belongs: in the garage. Also, next time a jogger stops suddenly and about faces to look at a fucking bird I am going to hit them instead of fall down on purpose. I'm so glad Fall is upon us.
Your Fair-Weather Cycling Is Coming To A Close
The views expressed in these submissions are from anonymous, unverified sources and do not necessarily represent those of the Portland Mercury.