On behalf of all grocery store minions here and beyond, I would just like to say to our customers what each one of us wants to yell and scream at you every single day.

First, you should probably know that just because we work in food purveying retail doesn't mean that we failed at school/life. Many of us have extended educations, but a lot of us happened to maybe study in a career where the job market is not-so-hot. So we bag your groceries because we get benefits and a relatively low-stress job.

Please don't assume that we are some lowly caste of human that should have to pick up your trash and clean your pee off of the toilet seat. If anything, your refusal to do these things yourself does make you seem like the lesser, doesn't it?

Where I work we have at least a dozen trash canisters all over the store, on every single aisle. Yet I still find myself picking up trash off of the shelves, where it is stealthily left because you're too lazy to walk an extra three feet to put it in a waste receptacle.

Also, if you have decided that an item you picked up and put in your cart does not suite your needs after all, don't just put it on a random shelf. The facial lotion doesn't go next to the chardonnay. And if you think that putting a refrigerated item in the frozen section means you've done enough, fuck you. You just completely ruined that bag of fresh lettuce by placing it in with the frozen pizzas.

I know most of you are decent people. So are we.