SOMETHING BORROWED C'mon, Jim! Hurry up and smirk at the camera already!

THERE ARE ROMANTIC COMEDIES that charm us despite ourselves, and there are those that are essentially a barely grownup rendition of acting scenes out with Barbie dolls. The cookie-cutter themes and typified romantic problems aren't always the problem—not anymore so than the repetitive lyrical subject matter of any given pop song. But if doesn't have a hook or a bounce, it's rightfully doomed to mediocrity.

The closest thing Something Borrowed has to a hook is Ginnifer Goodwin, whose muffiny appeal fails to conceal the utterly uninspirational lameness of Rachel, a supposedly homely, unhappy lawyer who winds up in bed with her best friend's fiancé on the (tragic!) night of her 30th birthday. The fiancé in question is Dex (Colin Egglesfield), an inbred dullard incapable of breaking his high-society rank, and the friend in question is the wildly obnoxious and overbearing Darcy (the increasingly off-putting Kate Hudson).

I suppose it's meant as a breath of fresh air that Rachel's primary confidante Ethan (John Krasinski) isn't gay—he just pretends to be to avoid an undesirable girl!—although the scenes in which he gets sick of everyone's shit, especially Rachel's, are the film's most cathartic. Do not attempt this one without Xanax and martinis.