Burn the Bridge, Torch the Tunnel 

Dear self-entitled bridge-and-tunneler: I'm tired of you and your stupid friends who drive stupid cars coming into our neighborhoods on the weekends and treating it like your college frat house. You come into our restaurants and bars at night already drunk with your holier-than-thou bullshit and expect everything while treating everyone like shit. Tonight, you came into my restaurant with your friends at closing time and we could only serve food to go. While you all waited at my closed bar, your drunken, stupid ass proceeded to take my dinner from the wait station into the bathroom and scarf it down. When I realized this was happening, I chased you down and banged on the door. I yelled to your drunk-ass friends to control you and get you out since you obviously don't know how to behave in public. What's up? Are you still in college or living with your mom? That was my dinner, you douchebag, and my lunch tomorrow. Are you still living off your parents' money and have no regard for those of us who live here and are trying to make a living serving your trashy Jerry Springer asses? Do I look like I do this for fun? Next time, stop drinking after two beers and stay the fuck back in the 'burbs.—Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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