Charity Auction 2005 

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INDIE RECORD LABEL GRAB BAG

In a city that’s home to more indie labels than service industry jobs, it’s no surprise that Portland produces an obscene volume of amazing records every year—and the Mercury is here to make sure you stay on top of them all. With exciting donations from labels like Arena Rock, Audio Dregs, Beta-lactam Records (including an AUTOGRAPHED four-LP set of Nurse With Wound’s Angry Eelectric Finger), Dirtnap, Greyday, Lucky Madison, Magic Marker, Marriage, Slowdance, States Rights, and Strange Attractors, we’re happy to offer you a selection of over 100 CDs, LPs, DVDs, cassettes, and seven inches from Portland 2005 and beyond! Check out this full list of what you can win. WOW! APPROXIMATE TOTAL VALUE: $1,000

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HAORI SILK KIMONO

This rare vintage garment predates WWII!! In pristine condition, this men's brown silk kimono is of a style pronounced "Howdy," (that way you can look all smarty pants when you explain it to the lucky recipient of this gift) and comes from Hawthorne Cutlery (3208 SE Hawthorne), which carries all things edged, including knives for cooking, utility, or collecting, as well as swords and Japanese woodblock prints and gifts—like this one! Whether worn out of doors or used as a bathrobe, this kimono brings one-of-a-kind style to any man's wardrobe. APPROXIMATE VALUE: $100

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HOT-LOOKING HAIR FOR A YEAR

Tired of having your hair looking awful nine months out of the year? Well let me tell you—we’re tired of seeing it. So why not get your hair done proper-like through all of 2006? This gift pack from the fine folks at Bishops Barbershop includes 10 complimentary cuts and colors at any of their five fab locations, a Sharps covert carry-on bag stuffed with products from Kid Glove, Happy Me, and Mission: Control, plus a finishing spray and definition pack from Goldwell. HOT! APPROXIMATE VALUE: $800

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DATE WITH THE MERCURY GIRLS

They’re the hottest newspaper staff in Portland, and everybody knows it! So why not bid big to win a date with not one—BUT ALL THE GIRLS OF THE MERCURY. A scintillating night of cocktails and conversation with this bevy of beauties is waiting to be had, and all have promised to laugh at your jokes as well as dress in an alluring fashion.* Lesbians welcome!

*Kisses and/or handjobs are left to the discretion of the individual employee.

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DATE WITH THE MERCURY BOYS

True, they’re not much to look at. But if you win a date with ALL the boys of the Mercury, you can look forward to the following: free drinks. Romance! Dirty jokes. Opening the door for you! A fistfight breaking out. Flowers!* And perhaps the occasional burp. But the one thing you absolutely will receive is FUN. Gays welcome? Sure, why not?

*Kisses and/or handjobs are left to the discretion of the individual employee

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FASHIONY GIFT PACK FROM FROCK

Ensure your style has flairs of originality with this $104.95-valued gift pack from Frock (2940 NE Alberta). It includes a $20 gift certificate toward one of the many craft-oriented classes offered at Frock's annex, the DIY Lounge; a fly Lucky LooLoo necklace featuring a red pendant emblazoned with a blue outlined anatomical heart; a cute sushi ring from Susan Stars, as well as a signed copy of Supercrafty, the new book containing 75 how-to projects—which both jewelry makers co-wrote! And to top it off, a $20 gift certificate to Frock, featuring funky vintage and locally designed clothing!

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DESIGN AND NAME A SANDWICH AT ROUX

Get ready to be immortalized, food lover—because your brilliant sandwich idea is going on the menu at Roux, North Portland’s shining Cajun star (1700 N Killingsworth)! The amazing restaurant (mmm… crawfish pie… ) also sports a deli annex, which features delicious po’ boys and other sandwiches like the grilled eggplant, the Genoa salami, and soon: your very own sandwich creation stuffed with Roux’s plentiful on-hand ingredients! Then comes the really fun part: naming your new sandwich! PLUS, you’ll get a delicious deli lunch on the house!

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C.H.U.N.K. 666 ART BIKE

Ever wanted to join an apocalyptic biker gang, but never had time to weld together a funky chopper bike out of salvaged materials? No sweat! Just bid on this prize and receive an original C.H.U.N.K. 666 bike readymade! With this baby, you'll be equipped to participate in all manner of C.H.U.N.K. activities, such as the annual Chunkathalon, which has featured such daring competitions as jousting, baby saving, and even historical reenactments! Now all you need is protective eyewear!

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HUMPY’S FAVE TV SHOWS

Keep warm this winter with a one of a kind “I Love Television™ DVD”! Mercury TV columnist Wm.™ Steven Humphrey has chosen up to SIX HOURS of rare or rarely seen TV shows from his much-coveted private collection to go on this DVD! While we can’t say what will be on it for copyright reasons, Humpy promises “there will be monkeys involved” and “people falling on their asses.” You’ll fall on your ass too—laughing!

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2006 TIME-BASED ART IMMERSION PASS AND PICA T-SHIRT

Antony and the Johnsons. DJ Spooky. Miranda July. These incredible artists are just a miniscule fraction of the amazing performers that PICA (224 NW 13th, #305) brings to our humble town every fall for the Time-Based Art Festival. With an immersion pass, you never have to worry about missing a single TBA event, as it grants you entrance and guaranteed seating for every performance and lecture, including the supercool late-night Works venue. This is your all-access pass to the best arts event in Portland. APPROXIMATE VALUE: OVER $200!

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BAR PASTICHE “TASTE OF SPAIN” NIGHT

Beat back those cold Portland nights with a one-night flight to the sensual streets of Spain—or at least Bar Pastiche’s (3731 SE Hawthorne) closest approximation. You’ll enjoy a wonderful evening of Spanish wines, Spanish cheeses, tapas, and a little history of Spanish tapas bars (why do they throw those napkins on the floor, anyways?). OLE!

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