Oooh! You’re lookin’ hot! Those pouty lips, that impish grin… Why, you outta be pinned up on every wall in town! Bid on this prize, which’ll get your very own full-color, full-page pin-up inside the Mercury. You (your pet, or someone else, if you’d rather) will be dolled up by stylist Shelby Morgan, photographed by professional photog Chris Ryan, and your pin-up—done in the classic, classy style of Teen Beat magazine—will probably grace the walls of Portland domiciles and businesses for decades to come!* Swoon!
*No genitals on display, please.
At the end of every summer, the Sang-Froid Riding Club sponsors the insanely popular Portland Soapbox Derby. Thirty six—and only 36!—daring teams craft sturdy downhill racers, and brave a winding course down Mt. Tabor, vying for glory, fame, and prizes. But first, those teams must be tough enough to enter the derby; People line up in the wee hours of the morning to slap down their hard-earned cash and nab a coveted slot in the race. But you, dear auction winner, can skip that rigmarole and tow your soapbox straight to the starting line—because YOU will have a free and automatic entry. APPROXIMATE VALUE: $150
Portland’s beloved Ruby Violet (2641 NE Alberta)—an elegant holistic spa that offers its clients the unique chance to luxuriate on the solo trip—welcomes you into its revitalizing arms with the Lotus spa package. Including a one-hour massage, a one-hour revitalizing facial, and a divine foot treatment, the Lotus package (an estimated value of $200) is the perfect opportunity to spoil yourself right.
Dahhling, it’s dinner for two—fine dining, of course!—with Mercury publisher Rob Crocker. Expect fanciness to the max while you have Rob’s ear for a solid three hours! Ask him the burning questions you’ve always wanted! Get business advice, or all the juiciest gossip regarding what some insane people have called “the best weekly paper ever.” Also feel free to ask him to give his employees a hefty raise this holiday season.
Local dessert goddess and Pix Patisserie (3901 N Williams) mastermind Cheryl Wakerhauser dishes up this fantastic auction item, a TWO-HOUR (!!) personalized cooking class in which she will teach you, and only you, some of her deepest, darkest, richest, most delicious chocolate-making secrets. You pick the skills you want to learn (dipping bonbons, decorating, etc.), she’ll make sure you learn ‘em, and it all goes down inside the chocolate laboratory at the brand-spanking new Pix location in North Portland.
With this rad piece of indierock history in your hot little hands, your killer record collection just got killer-er! Local literary/history 101 rockers the Decemberists were kind enough to put their John Hancocks (history reference!) on a limited vinyl just for you. With this in your paws, you just got 10 times cooler. Okay, now we’ll sleep with you.
Think seeing your name in print is fun? Try reading an entire, glowing, FEATURE-LENGTH story about you (or a loved one) in the pages of this very paper! Be the winner of this Li’l item and watch your trials and tribulations come to life through the pen of award-winning Mercury scribe, Justin W. Sanders. You rock and you know it—and now the world’s gonna know it too.
The Mercury’s office dogs drooled over the gobs of treats and toys from Salty’s Dog Shop (3741 N Mississippi). But we kept the squeaking rubber chicken, grunting stuffed hedgehog, cat toys, catnip-flavored kitty treats (even a catnip cigar!), doggy bones, and natural Good Clean Dog Shampoo away from our pooches—no matter how much they begged. These gifts are for our highest bidder—who also gets a $100 gift certificate to Hot Box (12620 SW Farmington, Beaverton), the “Largest Smoke Shop in Oregon,” where you can surely find your own brand of catnip to puff.
Wardrobe outta control? Having trouble deciding if you should ditch that tiger-striped poncho you never wear or breathe new life into it by rethinking how you wear it? Never fear, Justin Machus, owner of Local.35 (3556 SE Hawthorne) is here! Let Justin into your boudoir and sort through that mess—he'll tell you what to pitch and what to preserve. Then after you've pared down your pile, head over to his shop to spend the $100 gift certificate that's included in the prize! Perfect for a man or woman, as Local.35 stocks plenty of hip independent urban wear for both!
Lint (1700 NW Marshall) is more than just a yarn store! Discover the possibilities with this power pack of a gift. It includes a gift certificate that's good for two one-hour knitting lessons (which is more than enough to get yourself started on the knitting bug), another $100 gift certificate for you to spend in the store on supplies for your new skill (which should give you plenty of ideas for gift giving next Christmas), and yet another $50 gift certificate toward hiring the pros at Lint to finish a sewing project! That's a $240 value!
A little known fact about Phil “Banana Hammock” Busse, the Mercury’s former managing editor: He has spent 96 percent of his life either working out or in the water, or working out in the water. You’d be hard pressed to find another Portlander more qualified to teach you how to swim or help you “work on your stroke.” Even if you don’t like swimming, when else are you gonna get a chance to spend a couple of hours with Portland’s hottest Golden Boy—wearing nothing but his swimmin’ trunks? Va-va-va-voom!