As a graduate of Lewis & Clark College, JESSICA LUNDBY devoted eight years of her life to studying law, but couldn't find "the right fit" with any of Portland's numerous law firms, so she has been flitting around from job to job—including being a Stumptown barista for two shifts (at which point she was fired for "rudeness"... which is saying a lot considering), waiting tables part time at the Tik Tok Lounge on 82nd, reselling clothes she finds at the Bins to Buffalo Exchange, annoying people on the street for OSPIRG, and selling pot to school children. She's currently our unpaid intern which means she actually doesn't do much of anything except go on bagel runs.

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"Breathing in the focus of nature," is contributor writer FRED MUMPHY'S goal in life. He remains in awe of his many travels including Phuket, Thailand (where he worked as a sex club jizz mopper), Mutoko, Zimbabwe (where he helped native cultures dig for water until he realized they already had plenty of water), and surviving for three months on the highest peaks of Alaska where he was accidentally (?) left behind on a heli-skiing excursion. "Writing is the cure... it's the tonic... it's the fallopian tubes of the soul," Fred is fond of repeatedly saying. Fred's article, "52 Ways to Heal the Earth and Your Vagina" was cut at the last minute due to space considerations.

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MARCUS BALING wrote the cover story for our September issue "Top 24 Mandarin Immersion Calligraphy Schools." He is currently working on a tone poem loosely based on some self-penned Jean-Luc Picard/Helen Keller fan fiction, as well as the unauthorized biography of Brian Cummings, the man who voiced "Bumblelion" in the 1985 CBS cartoon Wuzzles. For this issue, he wrote this contributor's bio.

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