Swimsuit season is so near. You didn't eat all winter due to depression, so now it's time to gain some weight. You want to be able to fill out your bathing suit, don't you? There's no better way to fatten up than the most fun of phallic foods--corn dogs.

You've got cornmeal, flour, baking soda, salt, and sugar. Mix them. Now mix in enough buttermilk and water to make a pasty batter. Add an egg.

Grab the Fry Daddy Junior, pour in some canola oil, and plug it in. Cut some hot (or not) dogs into thirds or halves, and slide a stick into those puppies. The Fry Daddy Jr. is just too shallow to handle a whole dog; if you place a whole one in there, what you'll end up with is some uncooked goop sliding down the stick towards your hand. Gross.

Now, after the oil has heated up for at least ten minutes, dunk a wiener in the batter and carefully slip it into the oil to avoid splashing. It will take about a minute or so for that baby to brown up a bit. Remove your brown dog from the oil and place it on a folded paper towel. Wait fifteen seconds. Enjoy with ketchup, mustard, or for an island twist, try banana ketchup! AB