You know what's sadder than SAD? The fact that you're too fat for your pants after sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, complaining about the rain and cold, and stuffing your face with honey-baked ham and chocolate all winter. Snap out of it, and burn off the blubber by going out dancing... a lot. Not only is it a fun, indoor way to feel better, it's also the best way to get not only warm, but HOT! Here's a short list of some of the best booty-busting options in town for every night of the week:
• Bettie Ford (1135 SW Washington)—The new kid in town, this ironically named club is a good place to go to meet people who aren't bike messengers or guitar players. Oh, and dance to some DJs, like Jayanta.
• Greek Cusina (404 SW Washington)—Don't let the giant octopus scare you away from checking out a rotating lineup of DJs tonight at the Greek.
• Lola's (inside the Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside)—Things get sinister tonight with some rather un-Christian music courtesy of DJ Blackout and Owen.
• Dunes (1905 NE MLK)—The hippest little spot in town hosts "Blue Monday" with Neighborhood DJ to ease the weary weekend workers on their service industry Saturday.
• Porky's Pub (835 N Lombard)—Get some "Porky Sausage" (eeewww) at this queer friendly watering hole with DJs Entropy and Nancy Bear.
• Tiger Bar (317 NW Broadway)—Crowd favorite DJ Makeout spins at this old school joint.
• Fez (316 SW 11th)—Romantically situated in a Moroccan-esque ballroom space, the Fez is a classy/hip spot for nights like "Angles Without Edges."
• Goodfoot (2845 SE Stark)—Go balls out at this SE dance spot with "ESP" (Eclectic Selectors Perspective).
• Holocene (1001 SE Morrison)—If you like old school hiphop, don't miss "Throwback Tuesdays" with DJs Evil One and Sneakers at one of the best dance clubs in town.
• Bettie Ford (1135 SW Washington)—Hump the floor on hump night with DJ Othertempo.
• Fez (316 SW 11th)—Enjoy the diversity of local DJs tonight at "Devotion."
• Tiger Bar (317 NW Broadway)—Tonight check out DJs King Fader and Izm—maybe it'll make you feel like bustin' a move.
• CC Slaughters (219 NW Davis)—Another gay bar, CC's has a longstanding reputation as having one of the most intense dance scenes.
• Fez (316 SW 11th)—Everything is better with a little extra swank involved, including dancing to DJ Catalyst's night, "Invasion."
• Porky's Pub (835 N Lombard)—"Booty" is one of the youngest and most rambunctious queer dance nights in town!
• Ararat (111 NE MLK)—Awesome Eastern European scene with exotic disco music—and it stays open until 3:30 am! (Saturdays too!)
• Doug Fir (830 E Burnside)—This shit doesn't even get started until midnight, and goes on all the way 'til 3 am. Featuring a rotating lineup of local DJs, it's called, appropriately, "Rotate."
• Fez (316 SW 11th)—Longstanding night "Shut Up and Dance" features the iPod-wielding DJ Gregarious.
• Goodfoot (2845 SE Stark)—Get in touch with your soul at DJ Aquaman's "Soul Stew."
• Doug Fir (830 E Burnside)—Another late-nighter (midnight-3 am), Knotty Disco features DJs Mr. MuMu and Barrett Paul.
• Dunes (1905 NE MLK)—Tonight is "Discotech," which means you'll either find "Suicide Klub" (with DJ Nightschool, AKA Nathan from the Gossip), "Iced Out" with DJ Sew What, or "Dynasty," the new queer night hosted by the scandalous hos of Fleshtone. (This week it's "Iced Out"!)
• Fez (316 SW 11th)—DJ Anjali and The Incredible Kid kick out bhangra, hiphop, and Bollywood at "Andaz." (Every last Saturday.)
• Holocene (1001 SE Morrison)—Another good place for the ladies to play is Tart's "Double Down," with DJ L-Train. (Every fourth Saturday.)