Dating Tips for Horny Boys 

How to Have a Quickie

PART I: Preparation

Mindset is key. Be a horndog! Envision you and your secret lover romping through fields of fornication where there are no squeaky mattresses, no tangled sheets, and no missionary positions.

Boys, you cannot wear briefs. Aside from the fact they are utterly revolting, you must wear something that provides easier access to the goods. Time is limited and the torpedo should be readily available to fire! This means either boxers or, preferably, go commando (might want to wear the button-flys today).

Girls, lose the crusty, control top pantyhose and let the flab fly in thigh highs! And don't forget to primp those pubes! This isn't supposed to be a tour through an old growth forest, you know!

PART II: The Act

Location, location, location. Most any place will work: cars, the office, or the old favorite, public restrooms! But beware of hidden cameras or you'll likely end up on one of those horrible FOX specials.

There's no time for prude closed-lip kisses or romantic sweet nothings! In order to achieve orgasm under such time constraints, you must stay focused. Forget about getting the car washed! Forget about that report you have to finish! Forget about the poop streaks in the toilet bowl you've climbed on top of! SEX, SEX, SEX!

Hold onto your pants, kids, the next stop on this train is Climax Capital!

Moan. Sweat. Hear the toilet in the next stall flush.

When your seven minutes of Heaven are up, it's time to sport your disheveled appearance with pride and make those straitlaced bean counters look on in repressed envy. Shake that fine ass!

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