Gee, willikers! Portland hasn't had this kind of high-profile sports entertainment since Zach Randolph punched ol' Ruben in the kisser! It's a new, exciting form of professional tennis, never done before, in which eight top players square off in a single set elimination tournament... for $250,000! That means they lose one set, and they're gone!
If that's not intense enough for you, then my sweet gracious alive, check out Superset Tennis' Superstar lineup: Todd Martin, Taylor Dent, Jan-Michael Gambill, James Blake, Mark Philippoussis (God, that name's hard to type), Tommy Haas, Robby Ginepri, and (EEEE!) ANDRE AGASSI! Oh, that wonderful little man! All I want to do is plant his shiny head with tender kisses!
And guess what else, perverts? There's even something for your horny ass: a special preview of the upcoming WOMEN's Superset tournament featuring an exhibition match between Amanda Coetzer and (pant pant drool, AR AR ARROOOO!) Anna Kournikova!
Superset Tennis hopes to be an annual touring event, which means you're not going to see this quality of tennis in Portland again. So get in line today! This ain't no Clackamas Swim & Racket Club! JUSTIN WESCOAT SANDERS III
Rose Garden Arena, 1401 N. Wheeler, 963-4400, Saturday, November 22, 12 pm, $28 and up
As you know, the Mercury scours the city for the latest in bizarre, yet life-affirming entertainment. And what could be more affirming than a delicious doughnut and a musical saw? Answer: Not a goddamn thing. That's why you should spend your Tuesday night with the fellers at Voodoo Doughnut, and the newest addition to their entertainment empire, CLUB DOUGHNUT.
A minimal cover charge grants you entry into the Voodoo boys' newly built loft space, equipped with comfy seating, piping-hot Joe, soft sugary doughnuts--and most importantly--an hour of enigmatic entertainment. This Tuesday it's the "Magic Saw of D.E. Lavalee." You may remember Lavalee from his numerous appearances as "the door guy for Portland Organic Wrestling." But did you also know he can play a musical saw? Get there early; you don't want to miss this shit.
And coming soon to Club Doughnut; more melodic music, performance art, "reenactments of great speeches," hot 'n' saucy DJs, and even dirty puppet shows. The Mercury commends those who go out of their way to provide Portland with fine quality entertainment, and therefore we award the new Club Doughnut with an "A plus, plus, PLUS." WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Club Doughnut in Voodoo Doughnut and Wedding Chapel, 22 SW 3rd, 241-4704, Tuesday, Nov 25, 10:30 pm, $1 cover
It's so awesome to be the bearer of good news, and the fact that this event is going to be a weekly occurrence should be a salve to the fabric of our community. After years of complaining, we now finally have options when it comes to weekly hiphop dance nights.
The latest addition is going to give the competition a run for its money, as it features a lineup up of five local hotshots: DMP, Nik Fury, Magneto, Moch-One, Fremont Slim, and Rev. Shines. It's like a hiphop DJ all-star team or seafood sampler, with DJs who've been cutting their chops in clubs across the city. For example, there's Nik Fury from Clan Of The Cave Mack, an outfit who's earned respect for some of the tightest and most versatile turntabling on the scene.
Between the five of them, they can probably switch off enough to keep each other from getting too tired, which means you'll be screwed if you're not physically prepared to be hitting the dance floor all night long.
This party will be running on the juices of early and underground hiphop and funk, so make sure you're fully hydrated and stretched out before you get there. Wouldn't want anyone to pull a groin muscle! MS
Fuel, 1358 NW Hoyt, 222-0742, Friday, Nov 21, 9:30 pm, $3
Custom Car Show
It really is all in the details--the sleek lines of the hood, the oversized steering wheel that took two years to find, the specialized wheels that give a glimpse into the car owner's soul. Custom car enthusiasts are a unique bunch. To some, they're lugheads with too much time on their hands--but to others, they're artists; always creating and perfecting their masterpieces.
On Saturday and Sunday, a few hundred of the most detail-obsessed people from the West Coast will gather at the Expo Center with their "performance" and "custom" cars (and motorcycles). From low-riders to city slicker '52 Chevy Skyline DeLuxes, the show promises to be a wide-ranging collection. It's also a chance to truly appreciate and gain inroads into a tightly ordered subculture.
Like surfing, coin collecting, or any other obsessive hobby, accessing custom car enthusiasts is not an easy road to maneuver--but asking the right questions is a good start. "What you sittin' on?" is a good lead-in question. Follow up with a more specific question, like "any goodies?" If you haven't been completely cold-shouldered by this point, go for the bit more esoteric, "What's up next?" As a category, custom car owners are dreamers, always planning the next addition to their vehicle or their next purchase. This question is likely to hit a gusher. PHIL BUSSE
Expo Center, Hall E, 736-5200, Saturday 10 am-10 pm, and Sunday 10 am-6 pm, Nov 22-23, $12 for adults (children free). For info on showing your car, check out showtymeproductions.f2s.com