Get Entertained with... Pizzazz!

Think entertainment is dead? Think again, jerkhole! Portland is literally dripping with talent from every orifice, and we're proving it with the Mercury's annual Pizzazz! Talent Show. Every year Portland's best, brightest, and weirdest go head to head in front of a panel of celebrity judges to decide who is the most talented, pizzazziest person in Portland! And the winner gets a thousand bucks!

This year's Pizzazz! will feature cabaret-style chanteuses, a mini-bike dance team, martial arts demonstrations, belly dancing, hiphop hotties, condiment guzzling, and so much more. Plus, as an extra bonus, a special non-competitive performance from last year's Pizzazz! grand-prize winners, the amazing beat-box and rapping talents of Manic D and Fogatron! That's a hell of a lot of entertainment, and yet? Tickets are only $5!

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! As always, yours truly Wm. Steven Humphrey will be hosting—which means plenty of smart-assy humor, sex appeal, and a slam-bang opening number that promises to knock the socks off your feet, into your mouth, where they will once again travel back down to your feet. THAT'S how entertaining it is! WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie, Sat Aug 27, doors at 7 pm, show at 8 pm, ONLY $5

Catch That Beat!

One of the best things about summer is the "Road Trip": Warm wind blowing through your hair, mix tapes, roadside taverns, and trucker food. And it's the cherry on top if your destination greets you with a huge music fest of happening acts from across the country (and one from Canada!). Check out the Catch That Beat music fest in nearby Astoria, OR!

The list of performers is exhaustive, offering up familiar Northwest faces like Anna Oxygen, the Blow, Calvin Johnson, E*Rock, Joey Casio, Mt. Eerie, Panther, Parenthetical Girls, DJ Selector Dub Narcotic, Spider and the Webs, Thanksgiving, the Watery Graves, the Winning Lasses, and YACHT. Plus foreigners like Extreme Animals, Fortress of Amplitude, Hooliganship, JC and the Killers, and Woelv. That's 12 solid hours of fell-swoop fun in one day, versus months of collecting all these visceral experiences piecemeal around town. Plus it's in beautiful Astoria! The ocean air will do you good!

Rather than driving all night back, pitch a tent or get a room, and in the morning stick around for the pancake breakfast (vegan and non, but of course), which also features readings from a sampling of Clear Cut Press authors. Pass the syrup, and the culture, please! MARJORIE SKINNER

Performances Sat Aug 27, noon-midnight, breakfast Sun Aug 28, 11 am-3 pm, Shively Hall, 1530 Shively Park Rd, Astoria, OR, $5-10, all ages, see www.catchthatbeat.com for more info, fun activities planned, places to stay, directions, etc.