Down with Colonialism! 

Van Wilder 2, or, A Dissertation on Repercussions of the British Empire from 1856-1947

In Van Wilder,Ryan Reynolds' title character was the stereotypical Big Man on Campus, one who drove a golf cart from kegger to kegger and had the unfortunate luck of being saddled with Tara Reid as a love interest. But Reynolds is nowhere to be seen in Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj, which instead follows Taj Mahal Badalandabad, that wacky Indian dude from Van Wilder who's played by Kal Penn, who's better known as that wacky Indian dude from Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. Sure, Rise of Taj sounds pretty easy and predictable, right? Wrong! Because actually, it's a searing indictment of British colonialism! I know! Finally!

Taj (partly for plot reasons, mostly to explain the lack of Reynolds) is now pursuing a degree at some snooty British school that looks like Hogwarts and is full of haughty Brits who say things like "Good day" and "Well, now really" and "quite a kerscuffle." Moments after Taj's arrival in this wonderland of stiff upper lips, the conceited Pipp (Daniel Percival) refuses Taj entry into his super-gay fraternity, Fox and Hounds. So while Taj's original aim was merely to "spread some Badalandabad butter on an English muffin," he soon realizes his true destiny: team up with the biggest losers on campus, start a new frat called Cock and Bulls, and give Pipp and his fey cohorts what they deserve! This mostly involves reenacting Revenge of the Nerds.

Amid all the subsequent boozing and tit shots, Taj repeatedly brings up Serious Issues, like the inherent inequity lurking within political and cultural imperialism. But while Taj's anger is righteous, Pipp and the rest of his snotty crew don't even care about how their forefathers exploited Taj's! (BOOO!) They even seem proud of it! (HISSSS!) So of course Taj has no choice but to feed Viagra to Pipp's prized mastiff—leading to quite the kerscuffle at the campus dog show! (Yes! There's a campus dog show!) And then Taj woos Pipp's smokin' girlfriend in the midst of a paintball fight! (Yes! British people know what paintballs are!) "Let's settle this like my ancestors did!" that dick Pipp sneers in the midst of the film's climactic fencing duel. (Yes! There's a climactic fencing duel!) "You want to exploit me economically?" Taj retorts. (YESSSS! Sweet burn, Taj!) And in the end, Brits are exposed as arrogant assholes, that mastiff shoots come all over the place, and Taj and his nerdy friends get drunk and get laid! Take that, limeys! U-S-A! U-S-A! IN-DI-A! IN-DI-A!

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