Did you know that Elton John's real name is Reginald Kenneth Dwight? Did you know that he is currently 67 and has sold more than 300 million records in his career? Did you know that Sean Lennon is one of his 10 godchildren? Did you know that he hates Madonna? Sorry, I fell into a Wikipedia hole. Anyway, I'm so-so on John's discography—for every legit hit and moment of Disney genius, you've also got your "Bennie and the Jets" (AKA the worst song ever) (BENNIIIEEE) and your "Crocodile Rock" (second-worst song ever). True, he's a seriously talented piano player, but I'm more in it for the personality—the gay rights and AIDS activism, the glasses, the gap tooth, the glitter, the crotchety celebrity bitch-slapping. Oh, and he once described Jesus as a "compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems."