From Doug Fir
830 E. Burnside
Nobody can deny that they love seeing shows at the Doug Fir, at least when they manage to avoid a run-ins with the Fir's security staff. Amanda, their finest guard, has some tips on having fun without butting heads with security.
• Get a hotel room: "If you're thinking about doing something that may get you tangled with security, remember Jupiter rooms are $60 after midnight."
• Don't lie about being drunk: "Don't say you're not drunk because we know you are."
• Puke quietly: "If you're gonna puke, don't make a big scene about it. Don't push through the crowd with your girlfriends holding your hair."
• Don't let minors tag along: "When your 19-year-old sister really wants to see Kaiser Chiefs, that's nice, but don't let her wait with you in the line even though you make her look older. You might get 86'd."
From Towne Lounge
714 SW 20th Place
This English graduate is using his knowledge for… well, nothing. He books Towne Lounge, and that's way better. At least he can articulate the most mind-numbingly awesome summer movies!
• The Bad News Bears (1976): "It's a baseball movie about a team of losers with Tatum O'Neil in it. Walter Matthau is drunk the entire time."
• Point Break (1991): "Reeves, Swayze, Busey. Need I say more?"
• Summer School (1987): "It's got Mark Harmon and Kirstie Alley before she got annoying and fat. Two kids into special effects make the most elaborate fake horror scene in the classroom."
• The Goonies (1985): "Chunk and Sloth are the best couple in cinematic history. By the end they're totally in love."
• Miracle Beach (1992): "Dean Cameron's character finds a hot genie in a bottle on the beach. Observe his rise to power, which entails trying to sleep with a model the entire time."