Unemployed for Two and a Half Years
Jobless doesn't equal schlub, as you'll see in this latest special series of Employee Picks, "Unemployed Picks." Corey will screen print band Ts, sell thrift store stuff, take your sister to the prom, or anything else it takes to stay unemployed. Here are his fashion don'ts:
• Don't wear white: "Wear black pants, cause when you get a hole, you can just color your leg underneath with a Sharpie."
• Don't wear undies: "Just wipe your ass real clean and Febreeze once a day."
• Don't stop trying: "With no money you have to pay more attention than ever to lookin' good. Do the 'passing time in a French café' look, with a cigarette and a crooked-fitting tweed blazer."
• Don't give back your uniform: "Pretend to get a job that requires you to wear a sweet ass uniform, like nice black slacks and a white button-up, then borrow it forever.
Unemployed for Three Years
Kevin is so good at joblessness, he could give a 400-level course on it. It's a shame we only have room for his unemployed fashion dos advice:
• Do pick the right style: "Don't be stupid and pick some style where you have to look clean all the time. Pick a trashy style where the poorer you look, the better—like bike messenger, punk, or garbage '80s."
• Do rock the same outfit: "Invest in one outfit that's perfect for you and wear it repeatedly. If you make it a classic look, nobody will notice."
• Do keep your ex-lover's clothing: "Chances are the stuff looks better on you anyway."
• Do shop at the bins: "You're poor, so you don't get to be grossed out by places like this."
• Do use Dr. Bronner's: "It may be hippie, but you can use Bronner's as soap, for shaving, toothpaste, laundry detergent, and a spiritual guide."