Employee Picks 

Allie Smith
Aspiring Writer

Allie's novels will be on the NY Times bestseller list someday, but for now let's savor her advice on what to eat when you anticipate having a few dozen too many drinks at your next holiday party, therefore tasting your meal twice:

DO eat Whole Foods Indian food: "No burning, just that nice spice flavor."

DO eat soy milk brownies: "Cookies are just plain barf. Brownies come up smoothly." 

DO eat Paradox macaroni and cheese: "All I can say is nutritional yeast is magic." 

DON'T eat tots/fries: "Starches are yummy going down, but the white devil coming back up."

DON'T eat pizza: "Gastric armageddon. The more toppings, the more confused you are as to why you have ever eaten."

Mike McKinnon
From Wet Confetti

Unfortunately, hardworking musicians don't get a government subsidy to prevent them from working customer service industry jobs. Until they do, Mike has words of wisdom for working an industry gig until your big break:

Wash these body parts daily: "Always wash your chode and your pits. No matter who you are or what you do, these stink."

Never pretend to be the boss: "Never say 'I'm the manager.' This is taking on way too much responsibility. Just say, 'They're in the bathroom, feel free to knock on the door.'"

Don't make faces: "As hard as it is, don't roll your eyes. If you do, say you have a lazy eye."

Be careful who's around: "If the bathroom is near your workspace, be careful when you comment on the poo scent."

Don't scowl at bad tips: "When somebody gives you two cents for a tip (true story) say, 'God bless you and your family. Do you have plans for the holidays? I'll be roasting a stick of gum.'"


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