Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's film about groupies, Lester Bangs, and learning to ROCK in the '70s. Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Lloyd Mall, Washington Square Center

Bedazzled
Brendan Fraser makes faustian deals with the devil (all tits and ass and Elizabeth Hurley)! Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly miming ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall, Tigard Cinemas

Billy Elliot
An ADORABLE film about a SWEET boy who wants to DANCE instead of mine coal. Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
Here are a few things you might consider doing instead of seeing the Blair Witchsequel: bleaching your nose hair, shaving your feet, experimenting with RU-486, or watching Alf reruns. Trust me: This film is so bad, no amount of high-priced marketing tools--glitzy trailers, live webcasts, or star-studded soundtrack CDs--can save it. And the motivation behind this dreck is all too clear: pure and simple greed. 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

The Blair Witch Project
In 1994, while shooting a documentary on the myth of "The Blair Witch," three film students mysteriously disappeared in the woods. The missing trio included director Heather Donahue, sound engineer Michael Williams, and cameraman Joshua Leonard. A year later, their video and film cameras, along with the footage, are found in the basement of an abandoned home. Though a fictional film, The Blair Witch Project is effective because it seems real. Too real, even. (Charles Mudede) St. John's Theater

Bring it On
High school cheerleaders must endure endless practices and bikini waxes to compete in the national championships! Vancouver Plaza

Broken Heart's Club
Broken Heart's Club = Your typical Romantic Comedy + lots of gay men - hetero sex scenes. Fox Tower 10

* But I'm a Cheerleader
Director Jamie Babbitt's feature debut may be a bit forced, but Natasha Lyonne as a cheerleader thought to be lesbian, is both believable and charming. Lyonne is sent to a homosexual rehabilitation camp run by RuPaul and Cathy Moriarty, and learns the valuable lesson that sexual orientation isn't as cut and dried as one might think. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Laurelhurst Theater

* The Cell
Viewed conceptually, this film is remarkable: an acutley visual journey through a serial killer's mind that is both deranged and ethereal. To achieve this, director Tarsem Duamdwar uses special effects in a unique way, one that relies not only on sophisticated, expensive technology, but also preys on your worst fears of sex, violence, and insanity--all presented in surprisingly beautiful aesthetics; Even when killer D'Onofrio is slowly twirling out the intestines of Vince Vaughn, he does so with delicate scissors in a celestial room adorned with garish, golden decadence. The whole movies smacks of Alice in Wonderland, yet relies on the founding images of Catholicism; at one point Jennifer Lopez appears as Virgin Mary, ready to kill the evil beast with her enormous sword. Unfortunately, Lopez and her co-star Vince Vaughn remain true to the same, paper-thin characters they always play; beautiful, compassionate, out to save the world, blah, blah, blah. But the movie is undoubtedly worth seeing anyway--just think of them as background. (Katia Dunn) Laurelhurst Theater

Cemetery Man
A creepy love story involving zombies and necrophilia. Whoopee! Hollywood Theatre

* Charlie's Angels
I swore it could never be done, but somehow they've taken one of the worst shows in TV history, put in two of the worst actors in Hollywood (Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz), and come up with a comedic gem--and dare I say it?--one of the most hilarious films of the year. In this updated version of the TV show, director McG tips his hat to the classic T&A detective show of the '70s and then has a field day tearing each of its conventions down. The cast is uniformly terrific, especially Cameron Diaz, who plays her role like a giggly, girlish sociopath. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

The Contender
Liberals have won the culture wars, and it's embarrassing. In this Hollywood version of the Lewinsky affair (with the Clinton character recast as a woman), the Democrats make all the great speeches you wish they'd made during the 104th Congress and the Republicans are as simply evil and as plainly hypocritical as you wish they were. The Contender plays like it was funded by the DNC and scripted by a college sophomore taking her first Intro to Women's Studies class. The first hour of the movie--eaturing murders, behind-the-scenes White House meetings, strong arm politicking, and secret memos--is actually a blast, but once the trite sermonizing kicks in (Democrats are pro-choice!) you'll start wishing they'd just cut to more footage of the sex scandal. (It seems Senator Laine Hanson, played by Joan Allen, got drunk and fucked a whole crew of boys one night in her past.) A B-movie about a B-rate episode in American history. One plus, though: Allen is fetching. (Josh Feit) Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower 10, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Moreland Theater, Washington Square Center

The Crew
Four retired gangsters plan one last heist to raise money for a new colostomy bag. Edgefield Powerstation, Koin Center

* Dancer in the Dark
Lars von Trier's new film may be an self-absorbed intellectual train wreck, but Bjork is fucking awesome! Fox Tower 10

Digimon
Not to be confused with Digimon: The Emerging Third Party in the American Political System. Milwaukie 3 Theater, Washington Square Center

Dr. T and the Women
Richard Gere as a gynecologist?? Ewwwwwwww!! Century Eastport 16, Vancouver Plaza

Drug-Scare Spookshow
Shorts from the early days of cinema which exhibit how filmmakers depicted the drug menace. Clinton Street Theatre

* Drugs in the Classroom
This Jack Stevenson production features four of the craziest anti-drug films ever made, including LSD-Trip or Trap? Clinton Street Theatre

The Exorcist
Perhaps one of the greatest and grossest (with the largest amount of vomit per square foot of film ever) movies in recent decades, this 1973 thrilled sparked in-theatre hysteria and a new genre of psychological thrillers. The well-known premise mimics every parent's nightmare: One's child is literally possessed by the devil. Sure, there are the indelible scenes as an adorable, vomit-splattered Linda Blair turns her head 360 degrees and violently masturbates with a crucifix. And, yes, there are the crowd-pleasing insults (to the exorcising priest from the adorable Blair: "your mother sucks cocks in hell"). But, there also are many light touches--such as the bumbling detective desperately trying to score a date, the thieving priest who steals whiskey from confessing sinners, and the chain-smoking doctor who gives Blair a spinal tap--that earned the movie nine Academy nominations and four Golden Globes. Eastgate

* Girl on the Bridge
Patrice Leconte (Ridicule) has recently been outshined by the directors of the so-called "new new wave," which is unfortunate, as he is certainly one of the best directors working in France. Girl on the Bridge offers further evidence. A ravishing, breezily paced tale of amour fou, Girl on the Bridge stars Daniel Auteuil as a Svengali-like knife-thrower who meets his perfect foil in Vanessa Paradis' Adele. What makes the film great, though, is Leconte's feel for the effect of place on people: The roads are beckoning, Monte Carlo is impulsive, and Istanbul is confusion itself. Auteuil is never less than his dour self, and Paradis--a gap-toothed woman, it's worth noting--is stunning throughout. Fox Tower 10

Girlfight
In Brooklyn's Red Hook district, Punchy Diana wants nothing more than to kick some ass in the ring, but nasty Daddy poo-poos the idea. It's an interesting, moving story with a bunch of crappy sub-plots seeping in to ruin the whole thing. Cinemagic

Good Kurds Bad Kurds: No Friends but the Mountains
As part of the ongoing Human Rights Watch Film Festival, Good Kurds Bad Kurds documents the ethnic cleansing of the Kurdish minority by the Turkish military. It's a story swept under the rug by mainstream media and the US government, presumably due to our alliance with Turkey, and shows that, when politics are involved, humanity is still outrageously, disgustingly capable of turning the other way in regards to genocide. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The Great Dance
A documentary about the bush people of the Kalahari Desert in Botswana. Clinton Street Theatre

Human Resources
A stinky title for a swell, smart film about parallels between unions and bosses, fathers and sons. University student Frank takes a management position at the small-town factory where his father has worked for 30 years. He discovers that the bosses are exploitative scum and winds up leading a strike, while realizing that since childhood his father has infused him with shame for being working class. Terrific performances from the leads and cameo actors. (Stacey Levine) Fox Tower 10

I'm the One that I Want
Margaret Cho made a terrible sitcom a while back--All-American Girl--and this straightforward record of her recent standup act recounts her struggles with weight, alcohol, and pernicious self-doubt that resulted from its failure. Cho isn't a particularly insightful comic, but she sure knows how to go after a laugh. What's funny here is gleefully, howlingly funny. Her personal emancipation, however, doesn't quite flow freely from the rest of her material; the show strains whenever she stops to hit a nail on the head. As a result, it's the scruffy, playful stuff that fares much better, including priceless takes on her mother, a testy Karl Lagerfeld behind bars, and a fag hag navigating her pals through the Underground Railroad. (Steve Wiecking) Broadway Metroplex

The Ladies Man
Poor Tim Meadows. He stuck around long after the last talented SNL cast member cashed in and went home, and still finished behind latecomers Molly Shannon, Chris Kattan, and Will Ferrell in the SNL 90-minute sketch sweepstakes. Now it's his turn to expand a paper-thin premise that made four minutes seem like an hour into a feature film. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Vancouver Plaza, Washington Square Center

The Legend of Bagger Vance
The brutal, cutthroat world of professional golf is the backdrop for this retelling of the myth of Krishna and the warrior Karna--NO SHIT! In fact, the film has been protested by some Hindu temples, concerned with how it manipulates the teachings of the Krishna into a typical Hollywood schlock-fest, claiming the title is a disrespectful joke: Bagger Vance does sound just like Bhagavad Gita, doesn't it? Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

Legend of the Drunken Master
Miramax attempts to make a little more money by dubbing Jackie Chan's Drunken Master II into English, and then re-releasing it. Meanwhile, fans of the Crow series have demanded a boycott of the film, in a harebrained attempt to convince Miramax to release The Crow: Salvation. Angry Jackie Chan fans responded by arguing that a boycott of Legend of the Drunken Master only really hurts Jackie Chan. Blood is gonna fly! Mark our words! 82nd Avenue, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Washington Square Center, Wilsonville

The Little Vampire
The Little Vampire is a magical and funny movie but I wouldn't recommend it to children under seven because it is pretty scary. The movie is about a kid that finds vampires and helps them find a certain stone so they can turn into humans. The only thing stopping them is the vampire killer. He is a pretty freaky guy and his truck is freaky, too. It has lights all over it because the vampires are scared of light. It also has a cross on it and a coffin on the side. The vampires do all they can to defeat the vampire killer and get the stone before he does. (Sam Lachow, age 9) 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza

Lost Souls
Right on the heels of The Exorcist's re-release comes this pale imitation of a diabolical thriller, starring Ben Chaplin as an unwitting Antichrist and Winona Ryder as the black-eyed, whispery mope who must convince him of his impending demonic possession. The few moments of suspense toward the end don't make up for the dull, plodding, wreck of a script, and it would take a superhuman suspension of disbelief to swallow the ridiculous plot lines ("SEX" spelled backwards equals 666?). You'll be wishing the devil would just hurry up and take you long before the film's "day of reckoning" arrives. City Center 12, Vancouver Plaza

Lucky Numbers
John Travolta does his best Adam Sandler impersonation. Run for your freaking life. City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Wilsonville

* Meet the Parents
Jewish complications ensue when Ben Stiller meets the pop of his new g-friend, Robert DeNiro. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

Mercy Streets
A crook sets out to save his million dollar scam while his priest brother rushes to save him. Starring Eric "Cholly, dey took my thumbs!" Roberts. Century Eastport 16, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV

* The Nightmare Before Christmas
This movie is truly a wonderful thing. The animation is incredible, the visualization is fine, and the story--about the forces of Dark and Light as played out by Halloween and Christmas--is easy to follow when drunk. But the songs, by the great Danny Elfman, are the real reason to see the film. The Halloween re-release certainly feels like wanton capitalism, but we'll forgive them. (Jamie Hook) Fox Tower 10

* Northwest Film and Video Festival
Original films from around the Northwest. See the complete schedule and selected reviews in this issue. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater, Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

Nurse Betty
Betty (Renèe Zellweger), a diner waitress, settles comfortably into a thick confusion after accidentally witnessing her sleazy, drug-dealer husband's murder. She instantly blocks out reality, and drives to Los Angeles in pursuit of her favorite soap-opera character, whom she believes is her long-lost true love. On paper, this sounds great--onscreen it's surprisingly disappointing. After watching these relentless caricatures strut around for 112 minutes, it's difficult to keep caring, and to keep rooting for Betty in earnest. (Min Liao) Cinemagic, Milwaukie 3 Theater

Nutty Professor II: The Klumps
Eddie Murphy returns (Why? Why? WHY??) as Sherman Klump in this sequel to the remake of the Jerry Lewis classic. This time, the apparently brainwashed Janet Jackson is pulled into the mire as Sherman's scientist girlfriend who helps him defeat his alter ego, the ultra-suave Buddy Love. Koin Center

The Original Kings of Comedy
Another of Spike Lee's so-called "jointz," this one being a documentary which shows stand-up comics Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer, D.L. Hughley, and Bernie Mac in action. Koin Center

Pay it Forward
After having been instructed by his social studies teacher to make the world a more benevolent place, Haley Joel Osment starts at the bottom, where the bums live amid burning oil cans, of course. About five minutes into his effort, Osment thinks he's failed and that the world is, in fact, shit. It's a performance that'll probably earn somebody an Oscar, but it just made me feel like kicking a kid in the teeth. (Kathleen Wilson) Broadway Metroplex, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Westgate, Wilsonville

Peggy Sue Got Married
Kathleen Turner wakes up in her teenage body, only she still looks 38. Nick Cage, her boyfriend now and then, is no spring chicken either. Fifth Ave. Cinemas

A Perfect Storm
Plot: Fishermen fight storm in hopes of getting home to some pussy. Protagonists: Marky Mark, Dr. Ross, Happy's competitor in Happy Gilmore, a few guys who are in every other movie, some no-names. Villains: Hurricane Grace, backed by two other vengeful storms. The money-grubbing boat owner. Perks: Awesome special effects: 50-foot sea swells, water rescues, hurricane clouds etc. Downers: Canned dialogue, excessive machismo, totally stupid ending. Recommendation: If you're looking for a marijuana freak-out, smoke some and head to this flick. If you're looking for an Academy Award Nominee, forget it. (Katie Shimer) Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater, Movie House

Pressure Point
Protests of international finance meetings have been making headlines around the world. This video documents the Montreal Blockade and a group of activists who decide to take part. PCC Cascade Campus

Radical Film Fest
The Cross Border Labor Organizing Coalition (CBLOC) presents these films every Thursday. This week, see Tiempo de Victoria, which consists of FMLN propaganda from El Salvador's civil war. Also, figure out what the hell to do when existing political parties provide nothing beneficial to...well...virtually anybody who's not rich, white, and between the ages of 28 and 45, by watching Protest in LA: Unmasking the 2000 Democratic Convention. PCC Cascade Campus

Remember the Titans
Denzel Washington coaches a bi-racial high school football team. Will they win the big game? Or more importantly, will they have any nudie locker room scenes? 82nd Avenue, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza, Westgate, Wilsonville

The Replacements
A comedy based on the 1987 pro football strike, starring Keanu Reeves as a scabby (sorry) scab quarterback. Avalon Theatre, Koin Center

* Requiem for a Dream
The yuks keep flying in this Disney-produced user's manual for heroin addiction. See review this issue. Cinema 21

Scary Movie
Though I can't say Scary Movie was particularly witty, or even clever, the cast performs their over-the-top slapstick with such good-natured intentions, it's hard not to be swept up in the fun. Sure, there are the requisite off-color jokes directed at gays, potheads, teen sex, and the mentally challenged, but unlike the Farrelly brothers (Something About Mary, Kingpin), Wayans delivers punchlines as a nudge in the ribs rather than a slap across the face. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Avalon Theatre, Koin Center

* Sex in the Classroom
Camp collides with brutal realism in these Mormon shorts which try to turn teens against the evils of sex. Clinton Street Theatre

* Sexploitation Explosion
A selection of sexploitation trailers, plus a surprise 30 minute featurette. Note: Anyone wearing a dirty blonde big-hair wig gets in half-price. Clinton Street Theatre

Space Cowboys
Three old retired Air Force pilots want one last ride into outer space. Christ! Isn't it bad enough that these old farts always get the beautiful young chicks in the movies? And now they want to go into space, too? Forget it, Grandpa! It's off to the nursing home for you! Milwaukie 3 Theater

The Tao of Steve
The Tao of Steve: 101 ways to bag a babe and keep her coming back for more. Dex, a fat intellectual slob, formulates and follows his plan for sexual success, insisting to his friends that the #1 way too attract women is to ignore them. Through the magic of make-believe, this tactic works. The pot smoking, jelly-belly has a harem of women sending him the booty call. What is his secret? What is the attraction? Could it be the charming afterglow from his morning bong hit? Is it the crushing weight of his huge gut? No one knows or cares, because in real life Dex is just one of the many loser pot-heads that move about in packs, not in couples. (Karrin Ellertson) Laurelhurst Theater

Titanic Town
A sequel to neither Titanic nor The Chambermaid on the Titanic, Titanic Town concerns an Irish housewife compelled to get involved in the ongoing "troubles" in West Belfast. Her late entry into the political minefield places her entire family in jeopardy. Cinemagic

Two Family House
In the Bronx, a small-time dreamer gets his buzz shackled by family and friends. Fox Tower 10

* Waiting for Guffman
Christopher Guest is Corky St. Clair, (way, way off) Broadway Director, in this "funny because it's true" mockfest about the big-city aspirations of small-town theater. With Parker Posey, Fred Willard, Catherine O'Hara, and Eugene Levy as the soon-to-be-famous players of Blaine, Missouri. Hollywood Theatre

What Lies Beneath
It's official! Director Robert Zemeckis (Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Forrest Gump) is a washed-up hack. In this latest Sixth Sense ripoff, Zemeckis doesn't even bother trying to come up with any new ideas to bring to the screen, choosing instead to ape what Brian DePalma has been doing for years--aping Alfred Hitchcock. Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford sink to new acting lows, and while the film still somehow manages to be occasionally entertaining, the jump-out-and-scare-the-shit-out-of-ya shocks can't make up for the waste of time and money. Pass! (Wm. Steven Humprey) Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

* Wonderwall
What a great film! This indulgent, aimless, thorougly enjoyable relic of the High Age of Psychedelic Culture in Swinging London tells the tale of the bowler-wearing biologist Professor Morris, and the strange occurrence behind the wall of his study that slowly derail his life. No doubt inspired by the true story of chemist Albert Hoffman--who accidentally invented LSD--Wonderwall unfolds as a series of unexpected hallucinations of Professor Morris, most of which include lots of swirly colors, nude "birds," and sitar music. As the psychedelic world behind the professor's "wonder wall" grow more and more alluring, his tight little world predictably crumbles. Utterly inane but deliciously psychedelic, this is great late-night stuff. (Jamie Hook) Hollywood Theatre

X-Men
This movie is all fine and dandy, but there's one area where I got beef: Where the Hell is Psylocke? Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater

The Yards
Leo Handler (Mark Wahlberg) is a street kid freshly released from prison after taking the fall for his friend Willie Gutierrez (Joaquin Phoenix). He wants to get his life back on track, and appeals to his influential Uncle Frank (James Caan) for work at his train repair company, then finds himself drawn into a downward spiral of corruption, violence, and familial betrayal. The return of the prodigal son is far from a fresh theme, but director James Gray has assembled an outstanding cast and had the good sense to stay out of their way. It is only in the last few minutes of the film that Gray's minimalist instinct derails, as each plot point is rushed ruthlessly toward completion. Characters dash about brandishing guns and plummet willy-nilly over balconies at the cost of the delicate, melancholy truth the rest of this worthwhile film so elegantly evokes. (Tamara Paris) Century Eastport 16