Film Shorts 


OPENING THIS WEEK

BOY MEETS GIRL

DARK DAYS

DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?

INTO THE ARMS OF STRANGERS

JUST LOOKING

L'AVVENTURA

MADADAYO

SID AND NANCY

WHAT WOMEN WANT


MOVIES & EVENTS

102 Dalmatians
102 Dalmatians is almost as good as 101 Dalmatians. 102 Dalmatians was really funny but pretty boring, because it seemed really long. The parts that were good were really good, but the parts that were bad were really bad. For example, the movie wasn't very exciting because almost half of it was dating and talking about stupid stuff. (Sam & Maggie, age 9) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center, Westgate, Wilsonville

The 6th Day
Arnold Schwarzenegger stars as a goose-steppin' kraut who gets his Aryan panties in a bunch when scientists clone his Nazi rat bastard ass. 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Washington Square Center

All I Want for Christmas
Two adorably greedy kids go on a road trip to knock Santa up for some gifts. Kiggins Theater

Almost Famous
Cameron Crowe's film about groupies, Lester Bangs, and learning to ROCK in the '70s. Avalon Theatre, Koin Center, Laurelhurst Theater

* Baraka
Time-lapse photography is the focus of this beautiful array of scenery from 24 countries which includes Iguacu Falls in Argentina, Ayers Rock in Australia, and that old tourist standby, the Grand Canyon.

Bedazzled
Brendan Fraser makes faustian deals with the devil (all tits and ass and Elizabeth Hurley)! Avalon Theatre, Kennedy School Theatre

* Best In Show
Christopher Guest's latest with Eugene Levy follows several dog owners on their quest for the blue ribbon at the 2000 Mayflower Kennel Club Dog Show. A well-executed, ridiculous little film lovingly mining ridiculous little people's ridiculous little lives. Century Eastport 16, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Cinemas, Lloyd Mall, Tigard Cinemas

Billy Elliot
An ADORABLE film about a SWEET boy who wants to DANCE instead of mine coal. Century Eastport 16, City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows
Here are a few things you might consider doing instead of seeing the Blair Witch sequel: bleaching your nose hair, shaving your feet, experimenting with RU-486, or watching Alf reruns.

Bounce
So it's a given that Gwyneth and Ben are only in movies because they're fun to look at (everyone one knows they can't act); but in this movie, they aren't even pleasing to the eyes! Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Westgate, Wilsonville

Boy Meets Girl
Director Leos Carax' pessimistic tale of love and loss in down and dirty Paris. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

* Bring it On
High school cheerleaders must endure endless practices and bikini waxes to compete in the national championships! Edgefield Powerstation

* The Cell
Viewed conceptually, this film is remarkable: an acutley visual journey through a serial killer's mind that is both deranged and ethereal. Unfortunately, Lopez and her co-star Vince Vaughn remain true to the same, paper-thin characters they always play; beautiful, compassionate, out to save the world, blah, blah, blah. But the movie is undoubtedly worth seeing anyway--just think of them as background. (Katia Dunn)

* Charlie's Angels
I swore it could never be done, but somehow they've taken one of the worst shows in TV history, put in two of the worst actors in Hollywood (Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz), and come up with a comedic gem--and dare I say it?--one of the most hilarious films of the year. In this updated version of the TV show, director McG tips his hat to the classic T&A detective show of the '70s and then has a field day tearing each of its conventions down. The cast is uniformly terrific, especially Cameron Diaz, who plays her role like a giggly, girlish sociopath. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

The Contender
In this Hollywood version of the Lewinsky affair (with the Clinton character recast as a woman), the Democrats make all the great speeches you wish they'd made during the 104th Congress and the Republicans are as simply evil and as plainly hypocritical as you wish they were. The Contender plays like it was funded by the DNC and scripted by a college sophomore taking her first Intro to Women's Studies class. (Josh Feit) Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater, Mt. Hood Theater

* Dancer in the Dark
Lars von Trier's new film may be an self-absorbed intellectual trainwreck, but Bjork is fucking awesome! Fox Tower 10

* Dark Days
Dark Days was the triple-threat audience favorite at Sundance this year. Singer's five years of shooting the denizens of the tunnels beneath New York train stations, living with them, enlisting them as his crew, shows in the familiarity we feel for his resilient urban refugees. See review this issue. Cinema 21

* Die Hard
Bruce Willis battles terrorists in a high rise, and sustains considerable injury to his soft, fleshy feet. Laurelhurst Theater

Dude, Where's My Car?
Two potheads wake up after a night of partying and can't locate their car. But, ya know, it's funny... these kind of people can always seem to locate their pot... 82nd Avenue, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

Dungeons & Dragons
Straight world: Please, please just turn away. Geeks like me: If you know the difference between a drow and an orc, it's too late for you anyway. It doesn't matter that this movie is wretchedly incomprehensible, or that it was made at least 15 years too late; the promise of seeing mages and Beholders and the Thieves' Guild and a deadly labyrinth is just too tempting, if only so we can go and harrumph our way through the whole thing. And let's finally face the facts, shall we? We're geeks by nature, we belong to this stuff; Dungeons & Dragons is really only as embarrassing and unbearable and uncool as we are. (Evan Sult) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center

The Emperor's New Groove
The new Disney animated feature in which a greedy emperor is turned into a nude llama to learn some humility. See review this issue. Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard-Joy Theater, Vancouver Plaza , Washington Square Center, Westgate, Wilsonville

The Girl Next Door
A fairly depressing little documentary about the everyday life of porn star Stacy Valentine.

* Girl on the Bridge
A ravishing, breezily paced tale of amour fou, Girl on the Bridge stars Daniel Auteuil as a Svengali-like knife-thrower who meets his perfect foil in Vanessa Paradis' Adele. What makes the film great, though, is Leconte's feel for the effect of place on people: The roads are beckoning, Monte Carlo is impulsive, and Istanbul is confusion itself. Auteuil is never less than his dour self, and Paradis--a gap-toothed woman, it's worth noting--is stunning throughout. Laurelhurst Theater

Godzilla 2000
A floating rock washes up which contains a UFO which also happens to contain a monster named Gora! Gora gets all in Godzilla's shit, which forces Big G to burn Gora's ass off with his atomic ray. (Wm. Steven Humprey) Bagdad Theater, Kennedy School Theatre

Goya in Bordeaux
A dull, laughably pretentious attempt to portray the painter's twilight reminiscences, Goya in Bordeaux marks a definite nadir in Carlos Saura's career. The elder, barrel-bellied Goya smugly pontificates to his daughter about the tragedies and obligations of being an artist; his younger self mulls over the compromises inherent in being a court painter and the agonies of loving a notorious mistress. Neither appears smart enough to paint a bathroom wall, let alone the masterpieces that are liberally scattered throughout the film. Fox Tower 10

How the Grinch Stole Christmas
In this movie, the Grinch has a huge house with a telephone, a pulley, and trap doors. In the old cartoon he doesn't have any of that stuff. If you watch this you will find out where the Grinch came from, and why he hates Christmas. Like always, Jim Carrey is FABULOUS! He is sooo funny--you couldn't find a better actor to play the part. On the other hand, the actor who played Cindy Lou Who was not very good--she was pretty corny. The Grinch was funny but not as good as I thought it would be. (Sam Lachow, 10-years old) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

* Human Resources
A stinky title for a swell, smart film about parallels between unions and bosses, fathers and sons. University student Frank takes a management position at the small-town factory where his father has worked for 30 years. He discovers that the bosses are exploitative scum and winds up leading a strike, while realizing that since childhood his father has infused him with shame for being working class. Terrific performances from the leads and cameo actors. (Stacey Levine) Hollywood Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater, Mission Theater

I'm the One that I Want
Margaret Cho isn't a particularly insightful comic, but she sure knows how to go after a laugh. What's funny here is gleefully, howlingly funny. Her personal emancipation, however, doesn't quite flow freely from the rest of her material; the show strains whenever she stops to hit a nail on the head. (Steve Wiecking) Fox Tower 10

* Into the Arms of Strangers
A powerful new documentary about the holocaust, in which 10,000 children were sent from their homes prior to the war to escape Nazi brutality. Narrated by Judi Dench.

Just Looking
A sitcom about a boy in 1955 who wants to watch people screwing as his summer vacation project, tells adults about his plan, and lives. In other words, so surreal that I kept waiting for the dream sequence to stop--but it never did. Accurate period recreation it is not. Go only if you really like Jason Alexander, of Seinfeld fame. He directs--oh boy, does he direct. All the actors are the same, and that sameness is Jason Alexander. (Barley Blair) Fox Tower 10

* L'avventura
Called one of the greatest films of time, L'avventura tells the story of a group of adventurers who land on an island. When one of their members disappears, the dynamic of the group changes substantially. Northwest Film Center at The Guild Theater

The Legend of Bagger Vance
Junuh (Matt Damon) "lost his swing" when he saw his buddies die in WWI, and he needs the love of a pretty good woman (Charlize Theron), the faith of a child, and some Zen-like advice from a mystical caddy to get it back. Unlike Space Cowboys, Clint Eastwood's practical take on old age and death, Redford's film about death and dying is chock full of nostalgia but not mortality. Maybe he needs a little more experience before he takes on his next project. (Andy Spletzer) Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Hollywood Theatre, Laurelhurst Theater, Mt. Hood Theater

Legend of the Drunken Master
Miramax attempts to make a little more money by dubbing Jackie Chan's Drunken Master II into English, and then re-releasing it. Avalon Theatre, Bagdad Theater, Laurelhurst Theater

Little Nicky
Adam Sandler stars as the son of Satan in the 35th Devil-themed film of the year. Could it be that the true millennium is really scheduled for New Years Eve, 2001-like the Quakers said? God help us! 82nd Avenue, Kiggins Theater, Lloyd Mall

* Madadayo
Madadayo, completed in 1993 but inexplicably unreleased overseas until now, portrays a beloved professor (Tatsuo Matsumura) who in his retirement years is guarded over and cared for by his former pupils. This is not an ode to teachers, though; it would have been as beautiful a film if it had centered on a hairdresser or taxi driver, for what Kurosawa is most in awe of is the persistence of the man, not his profession.The film is so tender about the everyday pleasures it celebrates that it seems, despite its more than two hours running time, an exquisite, delicate miniature.

Meet Me in St. Louis
A brand new print of the classic flick, with special guest star June Lockhart live and in person. Hollywood Theatre

* Meet the Parents
Jewish complications ensue when Ben Stiller meets the pop of his new g-friend, Robert DeNiro. Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Wilsonville

Men Of Honor
A biopic about the first black underwater salvage expert that soaks Robert De Niro, sinks China Gooding, and drowns the audience with every cliche of the military movie genre, never mind that they all contradict each other. (Barley Blair) City Center 12, Milwaukie 3 Theater

* MVP: Most Valuable Primate
HUH?!? A monkey who can play ICE HOCKEY?!? You know, this is how Planet of the Apes got started!

Nurse Betty
Betty (Renée Zellweger), a diner waitress, settles comfortably into a thick confusion after accidentally witnessing her sleazy drug-dealer husband's murder. After watching these relentless caricatures strut around for 112 minutes, it's difficult to keep caring, and to keep rooting for Betty in earnest. (Min Liao) Kennedy School Theatre, Koin Center

One
The story of two high-school buddies who grow apart after one goes to prison. It seems like the convict would be the loser of the two but it's quite the opposite. Charlie, we discover, is a super guy whose only crime was assisting his already dying grandfather's suicide. Nick, on the other hand, is an arrogant jerk who becomes increasingly jealous of Charlie's superness. After Nick picks Charlie up at the Big House he browbeats him for the remaining hour and a half of the movie, for everything from enrolling in junior college to hooking up with a hot babe. Reminiscent of The Brothers McMullen, One boils down to working-class guys talking in monotones with about three songs on the soundtrack and lots of through-a-doorway camera shots. If you go to the movies to stimulate depression, this film is for you. (Brahmani Houston) Fox Tower 10

Pay it Forward
After having been instructed by his social studies teacher to make the world a more benevolent place, Haley Joel Osment starts at the bottom, where the bums live amid burning oil cans, of course. About five minutes into his effort, Osment thinks he's failed and that the world is, in fact, shit. It's a performance that'll probably earn somebody an Oscar, but it just made me feel like kicking a kid in the teeth. (Kathleen Wilson) 82nd Avenue

A Perfect Storm
Plot: Fishermen fight storm in hopes of getting home to some pussy. Perks: Awesome special effects: 50-foot sea swells, water rescues, hurricane clouds etc. Downers: Canned dialogue, excessive machismo, totally stupid ending. Recommendation: If you're looking for a marijuana freak-out, smoke some and head to this flick. If you're looking for an Academy Award Nominee, forget it. (Katie Shimer) Movie House

Place Vendome
Paris' la Place Vendôme was the brainchild of everyone's favorite ultra-chic monarch, Louis XIV.Situated at the center of Paris, la Place Vendôme forms a tightly guarded enclave, accessible only from two small avenues on either end. Given the givens, I would much rather watch this film than hang around in the real Place Vendôme for a couple of hours; certainly my class standing would not be welcomed by those filthy, aristocratic frogs! Nicole Garcia's film may not be a historical analysis of Parisian society, but two hours of watching Catherine Denueve do her work will surely be worth your time. (Pablo de Ocampo) Fox Tower 10

* Pola X
Leos Carax remains the great poet of cinematic love, and Pola X is his finest testament to date. Casting off his life of comfort and abandoning his engagement to the privileged and lovely Lucie (Kathleen-Golubeva), young Pierre (Guillaume Depardieu), hustles himself and his newfound sibling, the dark-haired and raven-eyed Isabelle (Kathleen Golubeva), off to Paris to make a living. The blonde and ethereal Lucie arrives in Paris. She and Isabelle come to represent for Pierre a battle between two would-be truths which is played out as the struggle between light and darkness. (Bruce Reid)

Proof of Life
Meg Ryan is moderately unhappy wife Alice Bowman, and when her husband is kidnapped by the Liberation of Army of Tecala, it's going to take every ounce of Russell Crowe's rugged good looks and subdued masculinity to bring him back alive! Things actually get worse as his wife then finds herself enveloped by the intoxicating Aussie sex appeal of the seasoned professional in charge of negotiating his rescue. (Jason Pagano) Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Red Planet
Humankind seems to be absolutely screwed for this one reason: When in trouble, we send Val Kilmer to save us. Even if you can grin-and-bear that we would we send a half-dozen nitwits and a malfunctioning robot to colonize Mars, the action never really kicks in. 82nd Avenue, Lloyd Mall

Remember the Titans
Denzel Washington coaches a bi-racial high school football team. Will they win the big game? Or more importantly, will they have any nudie locker room scenes? 82nd Avenue, Lloyd Mall

* Requiem for a Dream
The yuks keep flying in this Disney-produced user's manual for heroin addiction. Fox Tower 10

Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
Why waste time dabbling in the waters of those fancy foreigners with their unintelligible offerings (Teletubbies, Pokemon, etc.) or those epileptic fit-inducing upstarts who employ every cheap trick involving violence, sex, and subliminal messaging (everything on Fox Kids, for example). And you know full well that the Rugrats have been, are, and for some time to come will be the bearers of the formula for success. (Kudzai Mudede) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Mall, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

Scrooged
Bill Murray stars in this fairly dumb and depressing comedy based on A Christmas Carol. It ain't no Caddy Shack! Kennedy School Theatre

* The Seventh Seal
Max Von Sydow is a knight returning from the crusades when he discovers (whoopsy!) the plague is decimating Europe. Lest he croak himself, Max challenges Death to a contest where his own life is the prize. Northwest Film Center at Whitsell Auditorium

* Sid and Nancy
Alex Cox' essential 1986 film mythologizes the heroin-addled relationship between Sex Pistol Sid Vicious (hottie Gary Oldman) and Nutcase Nancy Spungeon (Chloe Webb). Though their love affair was riddled with co-dependency, addiction, and pain, in some ways this is an idyllic punk rock fairy tale, with Sid and Nancy as the porcelain princesses and smack as the nightmarish stepmother. (You'll be glad when whiny Nancy shuts the fuck up at the end of the movie, however.) If you're an impressionable, disenfranchised teenager, remember that heroin is made to look cool in movies only for artistic purposes, and in reality it is just a bad idea. (Julianne Shepherd) Hollywood Theatre

Solas
A widow uses the power of love and hilarity to pull an estranged mother and daughter together.

Solomon and Gaenor
Wales has long been a cinematic parasite on Britain--until this film. Set randomly in 1911, this atmospheric tale of Welsh anti-semitism shines a light on the long--neglected history of racism in a country otherwise known for its strange cuisine and prodigious output of challenging, mixed-verse poetry.

Space Cowboys
Three old retired Air Force pilots want one last ride into outer space. Christ! Isn't it bad enough that these old farts always get the beautiful young chicks in the movies? And now they want to go into space, too? Forget it, Grandpa! It's off to the nursing home for you!

The Tao of Steve
The Tao of Steve: 101 ways to bag a babe and keep her coming back for more. (Karrin Ellertson)

The Tic Code
A 10-year-old jazz pianist teams up with a respected sax player--but they both have Tourette's Syndrome! Hilarity and heartbreak ensue!

Unbreakable
Given a blank check after The Sixth Sense, writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has returned the studio's largesse by delivering one of the worst films of the year. (Bruce Reid) Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Cinemas, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, St. John's Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

* Vertical Limit
Despite Hollywood's sad attempt to re-create a version of reality, Vertical Limit is actually a fantasy-filled fishing story blown entirely out of proportion. Not only does it star Chris O'Donnell, it also throws out tragedy after tragedy, and you don't feel bad about laughing at it. (Another bonus point!) You become trapped inside this product of a demented imagination, and soon, watching it becomes surprisingly fulfilling. (Megan Seling) Century Eastport 16, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Wilsonville

What Women Want
Mel Gibson stars as a man who can hear women's innermost thoughts in this feminist remake of the David Cronenberg sci-fi thriller Scanners. Broadway Metroplex, Cinema 99, City Center 12, Clackamas Town Center, Division Street, Eastgate, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Cinemas, Moreland Theater, Movies on TV, Oak Grove 8 Theater, Tigard Cinemas, Vancouver Plaza , Westgate, Wilsonville

The Yards
Leo Handler (Mark Wahlberg) is a street kid freshly released from prison after taking the fall for his friend Willie Gutierrez (Joaquin Phoenix). He wants to get his life back on track, and appeals to his influential Uncle Frank (James Caan) for work at his train repair company, then finds himself drawn into a downward spiral of corruption, violence, and familial betrayal. The return of the prodigal son is far from a fresh theme, but director James Gray has assembled an outstanding cast and had the good sense to stay out of their way. (Tamara Paris) Laurelhurst Theater

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