Filmmakers! Deadlines!
You thought you had plenty of time, didn't you? You figured that next weekend you could start making that movie you've been thinkng about, right? Well, you lazy bastard, your time is up--deadlines for both the 48-Hour Movie Project and the Northwest Film & Video Festival are practicaly here. July 31 is the deadline for entering work into the Northwest Film Center's 31st Annual Northwest Film & Video Festival, which showcases what the NWFC deems "outstanding work being done in the region." Questions? Email info@nwfilm.org. And the last day to register for the 48-Hour Movie Project, wherin folks run around like maniacs and shoot a movie in one weekend, is August 6. Check 48hourfilm.com for more details.

* Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
It has the most threadbare of plots, yet has more out-loud laffs per capita than any other movie in recent memory. It's the mid-70s, and Ron Burgundy (SNL's Will Ferrell) is San Diego's top local news anchorman who gets more ass than a toilet seat. However, his idyllic life is shattered when anchorwoman Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate) starts gunning for his seat. Anchorman plays like an extended sketch that actually works--while most comedies elicit three to five out-loud laughs from me at best, Anchorman provided a whopping 31. I know. I counted. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

* Battlefield Baseball See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater

The Bourne Supremacy
To the giddy excitement of no one, Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne, the amnesiac secret agent from The Bourne Identity. Bourne's once again doing what he did such an okay job of doing before: using clever spy tricks, acquiring Tom Clancy-ish espionage info, driving cars fast, and looking sad because he can't remember who he is. Like its predecessor, Supremacy is decent, but far from surprising or interesting; there are hints of something more challenging and involving, but as soon as these tantalizing threads appear, they're swept back under the smoothly marketable façade and it's back to the same old Bourne outsmarting the same old CIA, with nothing going on but tense music in the background. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.

Catwoman
The ridiculously named Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) is a shy and reserved employee of an eeevil cosmetic corporation that's secretly working on a product that will reverse the aging process--but eventually turn women into hideous monsters. Patience finds out, gets murdered, and for reasons known only to the dumbshits who wrote this movie, is resurrected with the powers of a cat. The reason the movie doesn't work is because no normal person gives a shit about Catwoman. Normal people might give a small shit about Spider-Man and Superman, but only the most Bettie Page-obsessed fanboy gives a shit about a minor character in a Batman comic. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

* Cinema Queso
See My, What A Busy Week! pg 15 The Know

* Coffee and Cigarettes
A collection of black-and-white shorts directed by Jim Jarmusch. It's a meditation on the extraordinary in the mundane--and, at first, it seems the emphasis is "mundane." But, starting with the short starring Tom Waits and Iggy Pop, magic starts to happen. As the scripts unloosen, tension between players becomes more genuine, recurring topics emerge, the magnetic pull of coffee and cigarettes is pondered, and the film attains a hypnotic shiplike sway. (Julianne Shepherd) Laurelhurst, Mission Theater

* The Control Room
American intellectuals/humanists often confuse Americanization not only with modernization but also with globalization, but Americanization is centered whereas globalization is decentered. And this is what Control Room is really about: the decentering of the West and the formation of the multiple capitals, information sources, and news stations that are outside of its diminishing borders. (Charles Mudede) Fox Tower 10

* De-Lovely
This fascinating biography of songwriter Cole Porter does more than trumpet his gift for stunning sentimentality; the story revolves around Cole's (Kevin Kline) relationship with his wife (Ashley Judd), an engagement that grows tense as he carries out homosexual affairs with a dancer and several hunky Hollywood actors. The plot drags at times, but the film overflows with enough Porter musical numbers to maintain a strong emotional pull. (Evan James) City Center 12, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place Stadium 6

The Door in the Floor
Jeff Bridges and Kim Basinger play a husband and wife who have encountered a horrible tragedy which is destroying their marriage. The film is based on the John Irving novel, although it strays wildly from the text, though not to its advantage. Also not working to the film's advantage are the annoying lisp Bridges picked up somewhere and Kim Basinger's overly morose performance. The scenes I did enjoy involved Basinger fucking a teenager and Basinger walking in on the teenager jerking off. (Katie Shimer)Fox Tower 10

* Fahrenheit 9/11
What, like you don't know already? City Center 12, Fox Tower 10, Lake Twin Cinema, Lloyd Mall, Milwaukie 3 Theater, Moreland Theater, Tigard Cinemas

* The French Connection
Two New York cops--one called "Popeye" (Gene Hackman) and the other "Cloudy" (Roy Sheider)--discover that a heroin deal is about to go down. To complicate matters, it turns out it's an international affair--the heroin is from France! Good rule of thumb: You shouldn't ever mess with anybody named Popeye or Cloudy. Ever. (Erik Henriksen) Fifth Avenue Cinemas

The Godfather, Part 2
Some fools believe that this is an even better sequel than The Empire Strikes Back. Now, c'mon... this is a damn good film, but it's not that good. Laurelhurst

Hair High
See My, What A Busy Week! pg 15 Crystal Ballroom

* Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Dumb, dumb, dumb and dumb... but funny. A movie for stoners about stoners, about two high guys who see a commercial for White Castle and set out on a quest to nab some sliders. These guys just want pussy, weed and burgers--oh yeah, and racial equality. Along the way, they encounter hot sorority girls with the "taco shits," a rabid raccoon, a Jesus freak with oozing boils, a stoned cheetah, Doogie Howser, and every stereotype ever. You'll laugh in spite of your better self, and if you're bored and hot on a Tuesday night, smoke that nug' 'o cheeb you've stashed in your underwear drawer and catch this one on the second-run circuit. (Michael Svoboda) Regal Cinemas, etc.

H...xan: Witchcraft Through the Ages
A 1922 docu-drama about the history of witchcraft, complete with all of the evil things--boiling babies, cavorting with demons, etc. --that witches have been known to do. Sure, there might be some "modern folk" who insist on calling witches "Wiccans" and think that they're all about peace and nature and unicorns, but in 1922, people knew what was what--for the real, un-hippiefied story about witches, see H...xan. Old Town Pizza

* I, Robot
While the film adaptation of I, Robot might be a really dumb version of Isaac Asimov's book, it's still probably the smartest action movie of the summer. The film opens in 2035, with robots thoroughly engrained in society and accepted by everyone except Detective Del Spooner (Will Smith). Spooner's misgivings are validated when the designer of the robots ends up dead, apparently killed by his latest robotic creation. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.

* I'll Sleep When I'm Dead
I'll Sleep When I'm Dead follows a retired gangster who gets back in the game in order to unravel the circumstances behind his younger brother's brutal murder. Fox Tower 10

* Independent Filmmaker Lecture Series
The latest in a series of independent filmmaker lectures, featuring an open format screening, discussion, and a Q & A. This week: experimental filmmaker Bill Daniel. Daniel made Girl on the Train in the Moon, a "documentary sculpture" about the culture of train-hopping hobos, and his current work is about "the world of boat squatters." Fifth Avenue Cinemas

Kaena: The Prophecy
A computer animated French film that follows Kaena, a teenage girl whose society lives in a giant plant. When the plant starts to whither, the rebellious Kaena decides to go beyond her people's familiar territory to discover why. Like most foreign animation, chances are this fantasy/sci-fi film will be smarter and more daring than the stuff churned out by Disney and DreamWorks--but on the other hand, the American dub has Kaena's voice provided by the abhorrent Kirsten Dunst. Fox Tower 10

* King Arthur
The story: Arthur (Clive Owen) is the legendary leader of a ragtag band of knights who defend the British countryside. On the eve of their freedom from conscription, this merry group is hoodwinked into going on one last mission. If you're going to accept this film (and you are), it's going to have to be on its merits as a dumb action picture. (Sean Nelson) Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Tigard-Joy Theater

* Life of Brian
Having seen Monty Python's Life of Brian at least 10 times prior (but not for at least five years), I wondered if the film would still ring true to my atheist ears. Well, my brothers and sisters, I am here to testify that Brian still has many things to say. (Michael Svoboda) Laurelhurst, Mission Theater

Living Hell See review this issue. Clinton Street Theater

* Maids
A film about exactly what it says it's about: maids. The maids chill on a bus and the maids move us with their warmth and insight. But all that really matters about this film is that it's written and directed by Fernando Meirelles, creator of City of God, one of the coolest filmmakers alive. Whitsell Auditorium

The Manchurian Candidate See review this issue. Regal Cinemas, etc.

Medium Cool
Director Haskell Wexler tells the story of a cameraman (Robert Forster) as he's swept up in the chaos of Chicago's 1968 Democratic Convention. Wexler intertwines his fictional characters and storylines with real events and examines the impact of television on Americans and the media's attention (or lack thereof) to minority voices. Whitsell Auditorium

* Melvin Goes to Dinner
Bob Odenkirk, half of the David Cross/Bob Odenkirk duo of Mr. Show, directed this talking heads movie about a bunch of people (one of them, unsurprisingly, named Melvin) who go to dinner. At times it gets a little too stereotypically arthouse--the discussion can drag, and some of the characters are less than convincing, like they're there simply as a mouthpiece for writer/star Michael Blieden--but as a whole, the film's clever, sharp, moderately insightful, and more than moderately funny. (Erik Henriksen) Guild Theater

* Metallica: Some Kind of Monster See review this issue. Cinema 21

* Napoleon Dynamite
There are plenty of laughs to mine from the pseudo-tortured lives of realistically nerdy, unpopular, and just plain odd 14- to 18-year-olds, and as Napoleon Dynamite proves, young geek alienation is just as fun to parody as its grownup counterparts. (Jennifer Maerz) Fox Tower 10, Movies on TV, Vancouver Plaza

Open Screening
Aspiring filmmakers, enthusiasts, and armchair critics gather and enjoy homemade shorts. A perfect chance to receive feedback from a supportive crowd. Bring your own film, or at least your own loudmouth opinions. Plus, admission is free! To enter a film, send an email to andrew@nwfilm.org. Guild Theater

Piccadilly
How often do you get a chance to say "piccadilly"? Not often enough. How often do you get to use it in a sentence, like "Last night, I went to go see Piccadilly"? Again, not often enough. And don't even think about how very, very rarely--maybe even once in your lifetime--you'll get a chance to say something like "Last night, I went to go see Piccadilly, a 1929 British silent film about a scullery maid named Sosho whose dancing skills make her a star at a London nightclub." Guild Theater

Ratstar
An independent sci-fi film premiering at the Hollywood Theater. Orson, an android who lives in a mining camp, falls in love with Renee, a cargo pilot. Can nothing stop the blossoming of love betwixt this anroid and cargo pilot in the far reaches of space? Well, sure... how about the fact that the planet's about to be overrun by RAVENOUS MUTANT RATS?! Hollywood Theatre

* Riding Giants
This fascinating exploration of the culture of big-wave surfing is distinguished first by the quality of its footage. I have no idea how director Stacy Peralta and his crew managed to get on top of the water the way they do, but the actual surfing in this movie is heroic. Peralta treats his movie as a sociological inquiry into a legitimate American subculture; instead of the usual stereotype of dumb, quasi-mystical hunks, Peralta offers his subjects up as athletes and innovators. (Sean Nelson) Fox Tower 10

A Room with a View
Merchant and Ivory's first foray into the exploding Victorian world of E. M. Forster pales in comparison to their later, more free-floating adaptation of Howard's End. Still, the film does have its admirers. I imagine most are simply enjoying Helena Bonham Carter's first truly ripe performance, and indeed they should. (Jamie Hook) Pix Patisserie

Seeing Other People
Ed and Alice are two cute peas in a suburban pod, merrily rolling along towards marital bliss. But then the perky Alice (Julianne Nicholson) gets a wild hair: Under-sexed most of her life, she wants to sow some wild oats. Ostensibly what follows are a few affairs that symbolize the central conflict in so many relationships: Where does the high-moraled concept of loving fidelity depart from the base instinct to fuck anyone you want? This film takes a rather unchallenging middleroad; it's not soulful enough to satisfy a deep understanding of love, and it doesn't bare enough flesh to entertain the other side of the argument. Then again, if it is 100 degrees outside again, this is a pleasant way to stay cool--it surely won't get you too hot under the collar. (Phil Busse) Hollywood Theatre

* Sid and Nancy
Alex Cox's essential 1986 film mythologizes the heroin-addled relationship between Sex Pistol Sid Vicious (hottie Gary Oldman) and Nutcase Nancy Spungeon (Chloe Webb). Though their love affair was riddled with co-dependency, addiction, and pain, in some ways this is an idyllic punk rock fairy tale, with Sid and Nancy as the porcelain princesses and smack as the nightmarish stepmother. (You'll be glad when whiny Nancy shuts the fuck up at the end of the movie, however.) (Julianne Shepherd) Blind Onion

* The Story of the Weeping Camel
A fascinating look at modern life in the Mongolian desert, framed by the slightest of stories about camel relationships. Some of the staged animal interactions can get a little Disneyfied--you can almost hear Phil Collins wailing on the soundtrack--but this combination of narrative and documentary is otherwise irresistible. (Andrew Wright) Fox Tower 10

* Super Size Me
In an inspired bout of artistic commitment, Morgan Spurlock set aside a month during which he ate nothing but McDonald's. As the movie progresses, a palpable sense of dread mounts, as Spurlock continues to stuff McNuggets and french fries in the face of terrible health reports. (Justin Sanders) Cinemagic

Syria: Between Iraq and a Hard Place
Like learning about Syria? Like bad puns? Then you'll love Saul Landau's new 40-minute documentary, Syria: Between Iraq and a Hard Place. The screening will be followed by a discussion with Landau about the film and his new book, The Business of America: How Consumers Have Replaced Citizens and How We Can Reverse the Trend... which, sadly, does not have a bad pun in the title. Fifth Avenue Cinemas

Thunderbirds
Based on the '60s children's show, this insipid update features Bill Paxton as Jeff Tracy, who, along with his Abercrombie-ish teenage sons, uses rocketships to rescue those in distress. When an evil mastermind (Ben Kingsley) strikes, it's up to the youngest son (Brady Corbet) to rip off Spy Kids as much as possible and, if there's time, protect his family. Thunderbirds is a worthless, sickly morass of candy-colored CGI and trite messages about the importance of family, all of it packaged for a target audience that apparently consists of borderline-retarded pre-teen boys. The "action" comes from lame-ass rockets, the "comedy" from making fun of stuttering people, and the "entertainment" from wondering whether or not Kingsley is intentionally committing career suicide or just forgot that he once won an Oscar for playing Gandhi. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.

The Toxic Avenger IV: Citizen Toxie
The sewage-faced New Jersey hero tries to clean up waste dumps, but is held up by his arch enemy, Noxious Offender. See My, What A Busy Week! pg 15 Sabala's Mt Tabor Theatre

The Toxic Avenger Musikill
See My, What A Busy Week! pg 15 Sabala's Mt Tabor Theatre

The Village
The latest from M. Night Shyamalan (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs). Not screened in time for our deadline, which means they don't want us to give away its super-secret ending. Watch for our film short next week--or just go online, where that super-secret ending has probably already been leaked out like five billion times. Regal Cinemas, etc.