Film Shorts 

$100 & A T-Shirt
A video documentary about zines in the Northwest. Presented with a reading from a new zine called On Subbing and an interactive slideshow of the zine Invincible Summer. Liberty Hall

Afghan Spring
Miss those heady Cold War days? Check out this 1989 film about the Afghan people as Soviet troops withdrew from Afghanistan! Cinema Project

Basket Case
Let's say you were a Siamese twin. Let's say you were separated from your other half--against your will! Then let's say you carried around your deformed other half in a basket and sought revenge on the doctors who separated the two of you! Blind Onion

Beat the Devil
Humphrey Bogart stars in this film noir about some crooked businessmen who get stuck in Italy. A whole lot of shadows, some veiled motivations, and sneaky looks ensue. Cafe Nola

Bright Young Things
This critique on the media's obsession with frivolity was likely scathing when Evelyn Waugh wrote his novel Vile Bodies (upon which the film is based) in 1930. Today, it's pretty stale. (Will Gardner) Fox Tower 10

* Criminal
Criminal follows Rodrigo (Diego Luna), a petty conman who teams up with Richard (John C. Reilly), a conman who's equally petty, but far more skilled. Through various complicated connections, the duo becomes embroiled in a deal involving a counterfeit print of an extremely valuable piece of collectors' currency. Reilly is terrific, Luna is as charming as ever, and Maggie Gyllenhaal, as Richard's vengeful sister, is the most gorgeous, elegant actress in Hollywood. These three could pitch hay for two hours and I'd be interested. (Justin Sanders) Cinemagic

Deadline
A Sundance-approved documentary that follows the process and controversy of Illinois governor George Ryan's unprecedented decision to commute the sentences of all 167 of Illinois' Death Row prisoners. Guild Theater

* A Dirty Shame
John Waters uses his usual subtlety and nuance to take on the world of sex addiction. By day, the uptight Sylvia (Tracey Ullman) works at the family owned convenience store, and by night she attempts to keep her daughter, Caprice (Selma Blair) out of sight. (Caprice--who once had the stage name of "Ursula Udders"--has had her breasts enlarged to mountainous proportions.) But on her way to work one day, Sylvia accidentally gets whacked on the head... unleashing her dormant sex addiction. (Michael Svoboda) Fox Tower 10

First Daughter
The most entertaining segment of the pallid presidential princess film First Daughter--and when I say most entertaining, I mean by a stretch roughly the diameter of the Caspian Sea--was, in no uncertain terms, the opening credits. And I'm not talking about the CGI layered credits sequence--I mean the credits themselves. Each guilty party flashing across the screen only compounded the absurdity of this production. "A Forest Whittaker Film." What? Starring Katie Holmes and Michael Keaton? What?!?! But it wasn't until the final blow that my laugh was made audible throughout the theater--wait for it--"Story by Jerry O'Connell." HA! (Zac Pennington) Regal Cinemas, etc.

The Forgotten
Julianne Moore plays Telly, a woman who can't get over her young son's sudden disappearance--especially when everyone around her starts telling her that her son never existed. Faced with being put in an institution, J.MO starts running. She runs through the streets of New York, through airplane hangers, through dream sequences.... At some point in her marathon, Telly hooks up with Ash (Dominic West) a hunky dad who has also "forgotten" his daughter. Together they try to find out just what the heck is going on in this bland, convoluted mess that's more of a recycled X-Files episode than a feature film. (Michael Svoboda) Regal Cinemas, etc.

The Game of Their Lives
A film following the exploits and lasting significance of North Korea's soccer team in the 1966 World Cup. Not to be confused with 1994's Surviving the Game, in which Ice-T runs for his life from Gary Busey. Guild Theater

Ghost In the Shell 2: Innocence See review this issue. Cinema 21

* Going Upriver: The Long War of John Kerry See review this issue. City Center 12, Fox Tower 10

Good News
Elio Petri's final film, which boasts (a) an ironic title, and (b) a man who watches violent TV programs and neglects his wife. Whitsell Auditorium

Goodbye Hungaria
A film about refugees in Hungary who are entangled in governmental red tape, with an underground smuggling ring providing their only hope. Soon to be remade as a slapstick comedy starring Carrot Top. Preceded by The Sixth Section, which follows the attempts of Mexican immigrants in upstate New York to rebuild their Mexican hometown. Guild Theater

* H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival
See My What A Busy Week! and www.hplfilmfestival.com for more info and complete schedule. Hollywood Theatre

* Hero
The Chinese martial arts drama Hero blows away everything else currently playing--and possibly any other film released this year. It's that good. (Erik Henriksen) Regal Cinemas, etc.

House on Haunted Hill
Vincent Price offers five strangers $10,000 each to stay the night in his haunted house, where they must survive the creepiness of ghosts, monsters, murderers, and Vincent Price. Old Town Pizza

* IndieVOX!
See My, What A Busy Week! Bossanova

Intimate Strangers
The premise of a troubled woman meeting with a mild-mannered accountant to reveal her dark secrets is intriguing, but Intimate Strangers fails to find the right note with it. Director Patrice Leconte handles every scene with shimmery seriousness, as if the lives of two innocents are about to be forever changed, and Strangers quickly becomes tiresome. (Justin Sanders) Cinemagic

Jeff Steele and the Lost Civilization of NoyNac
A film from Darge Productions, an independent film company that examines "the ridiculous politics of leaders and the various redundancies of scenarios throughout history blended with science fiction-based standards." Jesus Christ. Laurelhurst

Jerkbeast
A Seattle-made film about a band with "a foul mouthed monster on drums, a brainless necrophiliac on bass, and a rabbit smashing psycho on guitar." The Know

* Ju-On
Japan's Ju-On begins with a social worker (Megumi Okina) who checks up on a family. What she finds is a house full of creaking noises and sinister shadows, and when she opens up a sealed closet, she unwittingly unleashes the vengeful spirits of a very disturbing little boy and his terrifying mother--who, we soon discover, were brutally murdered in the house. Add a big black floating mass of pure evil hovering over people's beds, and you've got some seriously scary shit. (Confusing, yes... but definitely scary.) (Michael Svoboda) Laurelhurst

Ladder 49 See review this issue. Regal Cinemas, etc.

* The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
In a way, it's like playing PlayStation's Final Fantasy VII , only you probably already know the story and you don't have any controllers. And Sean Astin is in it. (Julianne Shepherd) Fifth Avenue Cinemas

* The Lost Boys
An entertaining '80s vampire film in which brothers Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) move with their mother (Dianne Wiest) to Santa Clara, CA, only to find the place is crawling with blood-sucking, skater-mulletted ne'er-do-wells (i.e. Kiefer Sutherland). (Julianne Shepherd) Laurelhurst

Mean Creek
Mean Creek opens with Sam (Culkin kid #0037, Rory) getting the shit kicked out of him by the school bully, George (Josh Peck). In response, Sam's older brother (Trevor Morgan) and his troubled friend (Scott Mechlowicz) hatch a plan for revenge. Director Jacob Aaron Estes treats his lame plot with such over-the-top somber reverence it's impossible to take it seriously. (Justin Sanders) Fox Tower 10

Minamata
A film about Japanese mercury poisoning victims. As for Mercury poisoning, looks like you're shit out of luck! Cinema Project

Monumental
A film about environmentalist David Brower, who campaigned to preserve much of the land in America's national parks. Clinton Street Theater

Moog
But for all of its sweeping aural importance, a documentary about a synthesizer--even the Moog Synthesizer, one of the most important elements in electronic music--just sounds like a terrible idea. And, largely, it is. Luckily, filmmaker Hans Fjellestad had the benefit of the instrument's living engineer, Bob Moog, who stood to serve as the film's potentially compelling axis. Still an active engineer, the 70-year-old inventor is full of vibrance and modest charm as he spends much of the film waxing philosophical about electro-mechanical theology with the likes of DJ Shadow and Bernie Worrell. Unfortunately, Fjellestad's frustrating lack of vision pulls in too many directions to successfully illuminate any profound element of Moog's story. (Zac Pennington) Clinton Street Theater

* The Motorcycle Diaries See review this issue. Fox Tower 10

* Open Water
Open Water is less of a horror movie than a tense and fascinatingly fatalistic philosophical treatise. With sharks. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Valley Theater

* Presidential Debate
With all the frightful fervor of an illegal cockfighting ring, the presidential debates hath begun! Who shall stand triumphant after this contentious clash? Who shall remain after this dastardly duel? Who shall survive this frightful fracas? Followed by a discussion led by the Mercury's very own Phil Busse. Mission Theater, Sabala's

Rad See My, What A Busy Week! Clinton Street Theater

* Resident Evil: Apocalypse
All too often, so-called "filmmakers" forget what movies should really be about: zombies, powerful guns, loud soundtracks, big explosions, and gratuitous shots of a naked Milla Jovovich. Regal Cinemas, etc.

* The Revolution Will Not be Televised
Even if you're well versed in the events that occurred in Venezuela on April 12-13, 2002--the two-day failed coup d'etat against democratically elected President Hugo Chavez Frias--nothing will prepare you for the footage in The Revolution Will Not Be Televised. The Irish filmmakers, Kim Bartley and Donnacha O'Briain, were allowed intimate access to the presidential palace before, during, and after the coup, yielding chilling footage, and a possibly unprecedented cinematic look into the political machinations of overthrow. (Julianne Shepherd) PSU Smith Memorial Union Rm 225

* Riding Giants
I have no idea how director Stacy Peralta and his crew managed to get on top of the water the way they do, but the actual surfing in this movie is heroic. It's a cliché to say that surfers live to surf, but after seeing this film, it's a lot easier to understand why. (Sean Nelson) Kennedy School, Laurelhurst

Shark Tale See review this issue. Regal Cinemas, etc.

* Shaun of the Dead
Shaun (Simon Pegg) is the very definition of a normal guy. Working at a monotonous, unfulfilling job, he comes home to a suburban house that he shares with his slacker friend Ed (Nick Frost). And then the zombies show up, and Shaun of the Dead goes from being merely enjoyable to something flat-out brilliant. A sharp, clever, and gory horror-comedy, Shaun of the Dead shows all the marks of becoming a classic (and yeah, I know that sounds clichéd--but in this case, it's actually true). (Erik Henriksen) Broadway Metroplex, Century Eastport 16, Division Street, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Cinemas, Tigard Cinemas

Shiranui Sea
Like Minamata, Shiranui Sea follows Japanese victims of mercury poisoning--except this time, they've gone all Law & Order to get revenge. Cinema Project

Silver City
John Sayles' latest film attempts to combine political satire with murder mystery, with decidedly ramshackle results. After the inconvenient discovery of a corpse threatens to derail the gubernatorial campaign of frontrunner Dickie Pilager (Chris Cooper), a hapless investigator is commissioned to dig up opposing dirt. Shady land deals, double-dealing politicians, and lectures posing as monologues quickly pile up. The most interesting character is that of Pilager, an often tongue-tied candidate with powerful friends behind the scenes and a family dynasty to live down to. (Just in case anyone fails to make the parallel, Sayles helpfully places pictures of the current Prez in the background of certain scenes, wearing photoshopped devil horns.) (Andrew Wright) Century Eastport 16

* Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
The year is 1939, and Jude Law is Joe "Sky Captain" Sullivan--an aerial ace called into action when gigantic, clanking robots invade downtown New York. He soon learns the robots are part of a larger plan involving the disappearance of world famous scientists--a case that's being investigated by Joe's former love, plucky reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow). At its core, Sky Captain is a story of innocence and connection, as Joe and Polly reignite the flame of their former love--okay, while fighting 100-foot robots. (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

Smiles of a Summer Night
Ingmar Bergman's comedy about such light matters as marriage problems, affairs, and sexual repression. Guild Theater

* The Story of the Weeping Camel
A fascinating look at modern life in the Mongolian desert, framed by the slightest of stories about camel relationships. Some of the staged animal interactions can get a little Disneyfied--you can almost hear Phil Collins wailing on the soundtrack--but this combination of narrative and documentary is otherwise irresistible. (Andrew Wright) Laurelhurst

Thérèse: The Story of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
Thérèse's mom dies when she's a kid, then her surrogate mom abandons her, then she goes insane, and then, she falls in love with God. Whatever makes insanity more bearable... City Center 12, Lloyd Cinemas

Through A Glass Darkly
Does Shark Tale look a little too chipper? Then take the kids to Ingmar Bergman's bleak examination of an existential novelist and his family as they spiral into madness. They'll love it! Guild Theater

We Don't Live Here Anymore
Mark Ruffalo is Jack, a college professor on summer vacation, living an awful life with his wife (Laura Dern) and two kids somewhere in an undisclosed East Coast location. Peter Kraus is a nearby colleague with more accolades, a better body, and a much hotter wife, Edith (Naomi Watts). It's never a boring film, but it's never really fascinating either, largely due to the fact that these characters are so realistically despicable, it's just impossible to enjoy watching them. (Justin Sanders) Fox Tower 10

* What the Fuck Do We Know?
What the fuck? It's like the next My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Lloyd Mall

Wimbledon
Charming English dork Paul Bettany is former tennis hotshot Peter Colt. Deprived of drive and ambition, and hovering around 119 in the rankings, the aging Peter decides that Wimbledon will be his final tournament--that is, until his game gets a much needed boost of adrenaline after boning the vivacious Lizzie (the always dubious Kirsten Dunst). Apparently, a lot of practice is no substitute for Lizzie's magic vagina, as Peter suddenly finds himself defeating every competitor in his path! (Wm. Steven Humphrey) Regal Cinemas, etc.

The Wizard of Oz
From the internet: "A young girl wakes up in a strange land and kills the first woman she sees." Kennedy School

Wrapped Reichstag
Bored with Christo's "I wrap things in fabric" schtick yet? Too bad. This time a German building suffers the brunt of his attention. Whitsell Auditorium

Yearbook
A skiing film from Matchstick Productions, rounding up "The Year of Skiing 2004." Featuring a whole bunch of skiing from all over the world with the likes of Seth Morrison, Shane McConkey, CR Johnson, Hugo Harrison, and more people you've never heard of. Hollywood Theatre

* Young Frankenstein
One of the few Mel Brooks films which is truly hilarious. Starring Gene Wilder, Cloris Leachman, and Marty Feldman. Umpqua Bank

Your Favorite Movie
...Could be playing at Pix Patisserie! Pix's only restrictions? "No pornos, political propaganda, or Austin Powers movies." Now them's some common-sense guidelines. Showtime's at 6, so get there early with your VHS in hand--if you're the first one there, you get to show it! Pix Patisserie

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