Magic, once again, is in the air! Scientific magic! Yes, Virginia, there is a Father Oppenheimer! The following gifts will make any holiday an empirical one.

MC Hawking Gear

Crippled electro-voiced gangsta rapper MC Hawking has the rags you gotta get! T-shirts, tube sleeves, big ass mugs and mouse pads include "A Brief History of Rhyme", "E=MCHawking," "You Down With Entropy?" and "Fuck the Creationists."

MC Hawing Gear, $15-20+shipping

Albert Einstein Commemorative Stein

A scientific slap in the face of the "I before E, Except After C=Mc2" paradigm! Quaff seasonal holiday beer-like suds out of Einstein's wrinkled head while discussing his theory of relativity with relatively relative relatives! Only 3000 of these heady steins were made. Get 'em while they're cool & frosty!

Einstein Stein, $150 (Price does not include shipping, handling, or Lowenbrau)

Alien Abduction Insurance

Help your loved ones stop worrying about who will take care of household scientific experiments, should they fall victim to an alien abduction! Word-up, beaker: Insurance! Thanks to the good people at Intergalactic Commerce Council, a lifetime abduction policy (fram-able and personalized) can be had for only pennies a day!

Abduction Insurance, $24.95
Flying Saucers Gourmet Coffee & Tea

Gator Meat

It doesn't take a rocket science wannabe to know that a whole alligator can make or break a holiday feast. It's available locally and makes for one hell of a solstice luau centerpiece.

Whole Alligator (including head and feet), price varies depending on size. Special order only, 3-week advance notice required.

Nicky USA, 223 SE 3rd Avenue, Portland, Oregon