Holidays are especially hard for that sullen Anarchist in your life. Put a smile on his or her filthy face with these gifts for the person who hates everything!

Zapata Moustache

Help your lover show his or her solidarity with the Zapatistas and jump on the sexy new moustache-revival bandwagon with the silky, human-hair Emiliano Zapata Moustache. Anyone with a mouth can wear one! Viva Revolution!

Zapata Moustache, $9.98 + shipping

"Novelty" Birth Certificate, Social Security Card

Whether trying to sneak in or flee the country, nothing says, "I love you. Happy holidays" better than a fake ID. Before the federal government forces every citizen to carry a "National ID card," help your loved one create a new identity NOW with a fake--ahem... novelty--birth certificate and social security card!

Birth Certificate, $199; Social Security Card, $99, plus shipping

Civil Rights Attorney

Does that special someone in your life often get dragged out of their car by the police because of racial or political profiling? Well, imagine their glee when they open a jewel-box sized package and find a business card of a civil rights attorney, decorated with a simple yet beautiful bow or ribbon. Giving the gift of time with a lawyer shows that you not only value your loved one--you value their freedom, too. Civil Rights Attorney, prices vary

ACLU, 227-3186

The Seattle Facial

Every weekend it's the same thing. You're attending a protest or local hiphop show and WHAMMO! The cops give you a big squirt of pepper spray, right in the eyeball. Now, you can save your friends from the stinging pain of mace with a homemade "Seattle Facial." To make the facial, fill 10-15% of the bottle with vegetable or mineral oil, add water, and a tablespoon of liquid dish soap. Then simply wipe, Wipe, WIPE that annoying pepper spray away! It's handy, and your pals will always think of you when they're running from the cops!

Seattle Facial
Ingredients available at any co-operative grocery