God Wants War, and He Wants it Now 

Christian Guidance For Today's Misguided Christians

Brothers and sisters: The Holy Spirit dropped in to visit me last night, as he often does, but this time bearing an urgent vision. I'm so relieved, and so very excited, to deliver the Word to you, directly revealed to me in a fiery revelation! Christian soldiers, ready your swords! Pacifist peaceniks, shrivel thee thither! God's earthly washing machine of Armageddon has begun to agitate, and the bleach is nigh! No longer shall America's mighty flanks warm the bench of indecision while the Beast of Iraq and his al-Qaida pals have their way with our favorite buildings. The tides of blood are turning and, like a faithful leech, America shall aid its Father in the holy bloodletting to come!

Lo, I beheld the Son of Man, cheerfully sharpening the blades of his Lawnmower of Love, preparing to mulch the wanton grapes of Babylon. I saw Our Father readying His Great Blender, for to puree those grapes into a Margarita of His Wrath! And I saw the Holy Spirit dusting off the Thermos of His Anger, in which to chill that Liquor of Retribution before the Cocktail Hour of Reckoning!

Have no doubt, Saddam Hussein is the great beast revealed in the bible. Peel off his toupee and you'll find ten little horns, each one controlling a member of the One-World Government that calls itself the UN. UN as in UNHOLY. UN as in UNAMERICAN! UN as in UNACCEPTABLE!!

But don't mistake the Beast for His Master--Saddam Hussein is no Satan. Why, Saddam Hussein wishes he were Satan! No, the Dragon of Revelation hides not in the oily, sweltering Middle East, but in the cozy hillsides of Provence! Which, you may be shocked to learn, is in France!

Yes, France! That proud, hostile and Godless nation, well known to harbor weapons of mass destruction! Whose inte-homo-lectuals infiltrate our so-called "colleges," teaching our children existentialism, phenomenology, evolution, and women's rights! Whose despotic overlord, "Jacques" Chirac, dares talk back to George W. Bush, God's Chosen President! (Do not the name Jacques Chirac and the word "Iraq" bear an occult similarity? Does not Saddam Hussein flaunt the beret of a Frenchman?) French Extremists even now fulminate at our northern border, attempting to seize Quebec as a French fundamentalist state! The French threat to Homeland Security is as clear as French "cinema" is opaque. But the Brie of Franco-Satanism shall not ripen on these shores, for America is righteous and shall vanquish all who might believe otherwise. Take heed, Gaelic warlords: today, Iraq tomorrow, France!

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