Greeting maggots! Infernus and King here, from Norway's premier black metal band, Gorgoroth. When not on our knees, licking the cloven hoofs of our demon lords from the netherworld, we love us some Milwaukee Brewers baseball. In fact, if you were to ask me, "Infernus, who are your favorite people on this wretched planet?" I'd tell you that our dark lord Satan is number one, followed closely by former Brewers slugger Gorman Thomas. His meaty limbs swung an evil bat, one that punished the ball as if it were little more than a tender virgin, helplessly pinned to my dungeon wall with meat hooks. Being Norwegian, I'm not familiar with Louisville, Kentucky, home of the Louisville Slugger baseball bat, but I assume the city's flames of hell-fire kissed each and every bat swung by the delightfully sinful Milwaukee Brewers batters. The iniquity of the Brewers franchise offers us black metal artists a team to truly root for, from the wicked mustache of Robin Yount to the hefty, gluttonous belly of current star Prince Fielder. I, Infernus of metal titans Gorgoroth, have seen no evil more potent than the Milwaukee Brewers franchise.If you consider yourself a follower of the dark arts, perhaps you shall take part in our little quiz? Identify the names of the following sports superstars and win a copy of our 1993 classic, Pentagram, plus two tickets to a Portland Beavers game of your choice. Black metal and minor league baseball together? Could there be a more sinister combination?
All entries must be emailed to that limp-wristed pansy of a music editor (firstname.lastname@example.org) by Wednesday, May 16. May the Dark Lord be with you, scum. n