Hall Monitor 

The Great Purge

City hall spewed forth epic endings to three of its most controversial stories this week, like a bulimic freshman after consuming an entire cheesecake, a bottle of soda, and an extra large bag of chips.

First came the collapse of the Lents baseball deal. Hplerghhh! Merritt Paulson said he couldn't force the deal through without the support of the Lents neighbors, then City Commissioner Randy Leonard said he couldn't support Major League Soccer any longer without Paulson's sincere effort to make baseball work in Lents. (I'd originally planned to devote this entire column to outlining a series of buddy movies for Paulson and Leonard to appear in, should they choose to try earning money from their obvious skill as entertainers: Lethal Public Engagement Strategy; Brokeback Mount Tabor; Dude, Where's My Stadium? You get the idea. But luckily another purge came along....)

Hplooooogohhhhhh! On Monday, June 22, Attorney General John Kroger released the findings of his investigation into Mayor Sam Adams' affair with former legislative intern Beau Breedlove. Kroger appears to have cleared Adams of any criminal wrongdoing, but I'm feeling somewhat less satisfied by the outcome of Kroger's report than Adams is at this point. Yes, the mayor is cleared of proven criminality, but have we really reached a point where that's the qualification threshold to be mayor? Can I ever trust a mayor who is ready to permanently "loan" $750 to a hot teenager he's had sex with, at the same time as asking the young man to lie for him about the sex? Meh. I'd need a moment to catch my breath and think straight before answering that question, but wait... oh... God... uh....

SCHKLUUUUGHHHHHHHHH!!! Council planned its formal hearing on the renaming of 39th Avenue after César E. Chávez on Tuesday night, June 23—which happens to be the Mercury's press day. The Save 39th committee had already raised the immigration status of signatories to the rename petition as a subject for debate, so I could only imagine the kind of barely disguised bigotry that awaited during the evening's public comment period as I typed this column. It was enough to make me want to....

Puke isn't pretty. But I'm relieved that the majority of these stories have been purged, because aspects of each have depressed the crap out of us. Now, with a clean system, perhaps we'll be able to adopt the spirit of the moment and "move on." Let's just hope there's more appetizing news around the corner.


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