Dear Ghost—We’ve been together awhile now. I can see and hear you quite clearly (but you already knew that) and yes, you are menacing indeed. Over the past year I’ve talked to you, sung to you, cried and begged to be left alone, and played Duran Duran for you. I’ve gotten nothing back in return besides this constant peeking through windows with that awful silent white stare, thumping footsteps, rattling windows, and the creepy backward scuttling-crawl you do. I know you don’t hassle the neighbors, and now they think I’m crazy. If you have to stay, can you just let me know what it is that you want? Can you write a note or leave a message somehow? I’m not a bad person. I’m sorry that you’re dead. I will do my best to accommodate your needs. In return all I ask is that you let me sleep through the night—no more touching for God’s sake, my screams wake the neighbors! I gotta be at work early and SOMEBODY has to pay the rent around here. And quit fucking with the cat. Please.—Anonymous
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