Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear disgusting old man on the streetcar, nice job making a huge fucking scene over a baguette! You asked me about the Grand Central brand loaf in my shopping bag, which was obviously a shitty ploy to flirt with me, then proceeded to ask if they made sourdough. Me, being tired after a long day at work and a trip to the store, replied with a haughty "I don't know." I was hoping you would leave me the fuck alone afterward, but nope. You replied loudly with, "Well jeez, no need to use such a harsh tone, bitch." I think you wanted to alert the entire fucking streetcar to the atrocities I committed, which backfired because several other passengers came to my aid, cursing your fat ass out 'til you eventually got off the streetcar, your famous last words being, "I hope you choke on your bread." Wow, aren't you charming! If you ever harass me like that again, disgusting old man, I will shove my entire baguette up your ass. And don't worry! I'll make sure it's sourdough.—Anonymous