Illustration by Kalah Allen

In the 17 years I've been hitting Sauvie Island and going to the naked beach, I've really never had a bad experience. Puppies and kids frolicking about, bouncing body parts playing volleyball, swimming, and fun, and all naked. Naked doesn't equal sex, and the people at this beach are aware of that. Imagine my and my beach neighbors' disgust at having to watch you fuck. Imagine my disgust at watching you jack off your boyfriend's flaccid penis. It's not about sex at the naked beach; get a clue. No one is into that, except maybe the few perverts who think they have a chance of getting laid after seeing your display. Thanks for ruining 15 minutes of my day.—Anonymous