Illustration by Kalah Allen

I'd seen the movie before, but I really liked it, and it was hot outside. The theater recently started serving beer and wine, which I'd thought was awesome. You've changed my mind. You staggered in several minutes after the movie started and sat right behind me despite the half-empty theater. You started singing along with the soundtrack. You made obscene noises at the lead female character. You laughed when things weren't funny, and talked back to the characters between explosions. You belched, long and loud, wafting the ripe smell of your beer breath over me. I tried politely shushing you, but you were oblivious. It never got bad enough to go to theater staff and complain. I did a decent job of ignoring you until the movie was almost over, when you started repeatedly bumping into the back of my seat. When I looked back, you were bent over as if searching for something on the floor. It wasn't until the credits were rolling that I saw a cell phone under the seat next to me. I didn't even feel a little bad for quietly and gently kicking it several more rows away.—Anonymous