Illustration by Kalah Allen

We hooked up while I was in your town on a business trip, and even though I'm old enough to be your dad, you had a little crush. You found me online again months later, and we started cyber flirting back and forth. After some weeks of this, you had a few days off, and I was feeling flush, and decided to spring for a plane ticket. You'd never been here, and I thought you deserved a vacation break. Though I remembered you as very sexy and just my type, when you got here reality didn't match up. You were whiny and indecisive and boring. I tried to be nice, but after 24 hours I wanted to be alone, and wished you'd planned a three-day weekend, not a four-day one. So remember that Saturday morning I took my dog out for what turned out to be a really long walk? That was because another old hookup who lives just a few blocks over sent me a text asking if I wanted to play—he already had two guys over at his place. Don't worry, I took a shower there before I came home. And we can still be Facebook friends.—Anonymous