Illustration by Kalah Allen

If the idea of camping in the high desert of Oregon appeals to you, but you can't face the day without AM Northwest, then you should probably just stay home. If you want to be out where the coyotes serenade the night and the wind soughs through the sagebrush all day long, but you need to fire up your generator so your TV can work, why not use the outlets in your house and stay home? If you're camping near people who have stayed up to watch the astonishingly clear night sky in reverent silence, but you can't figure out how to make coffee without running the engine in your honking huge RV at 6 o'clock in the morning so your goddamned Keurig can get going, then please, JUST STAY THE FUCK HOME.—Anonymous