Kalah Allen

On a recent walk in Oaks Bottom Wildlife Refuge, I noticed what appeared to be a gross yet vaguely thoughtful, Portland-specific, passive-aggressive pattern littering the trails: They were neon green, zebra print, pink, and a host of other colorful, charming packages all containing the same thing: DOG SHIT. Kudos to you, dog owners, for scooping your dog's poop, but how's about going next level with that shit (literally) and depositing it in a trash receptacle? Sure, I get it, there aren't any garbage cans along the paths, but I'm guessing you knew that, hence leaving them for others to enjoy. Did you think and perhaps even say aloud as you placed said gift next to that fallen tree, "I'll pick this up on the way out," but then you forgot all about it or perhaps took a different exit? Do you think that as a tax-paying resident of Multnomah County that you're just creating job security for parks department employees? Whatever reasoning you had to add to this unsightly trend, here's a thought: KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF.—Anonymous