I, Anonymous 

Web Crawling

I see you almost every day with your little tents set up, chatting with people who never did anything wrong to you, and you guys go and fuck up their lives up by promising shit that's not true! "Great coverage in your area." "Faster than that other company you have." "Would I lie to you?" YES! Yes, you would! You lied to me and I am sure you have lied to everyone else. Your coverage sucks! Your internet connection speed is slower then my one-legged grandma on a fixed-gear riding up the Broadway Bridge! I HATE YOU GUYS! I am so pissed that you conned my landlord into buying your shitty service. I am so pissed that when I try to FB it takes so fucking long. I am so pissed that the 10 minutes I have a day to check out porn I waste eight of it waiting for your shitty service to load the fucking page, which leaves me with only two minutes to bust knuckle babies and clean up. Half the time, I end up not being able to finish and have to walk around with a half cock full of man juice. So, fuck you! Go to Brooklyn and fuck those people's lives up. I could give two squirts of piss!—Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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