Illustration by Kalah Allen

Dear Old Fucks at Rock Shows—Fuck you! If you haven't been to a show in a while and don't know how to mosh... don't start a fucking pit! The fact that drinking deadens the pain doesn't help. If you want to start a pit, it goes in a circle, you don't just get to flail around punching whoever the fuck you want. To the dumb drunk bitch who punched me in the stomach, fuck you! Same to the guy with that lovely elbow to the jaw, and the asshole who decided that the rest of the audience would love to have the contents of your PBR tallboy sprayed all over them! People like you are what make 21 and older shows suck more dick than a crack whore in need of a fix. Hope the belligerent drinking kills your liver, and you, soon!—Anonymous