Illustration by Kalah Allen

I KNOW that $15 is kind of steep for a souvenir circus program, but the look on a child's face as they watch the performers autograph it for them is priceless. Having said that, this goes out to the fuckin' lowlife scumbag thief who stole my four-year-old granddaughter's circus program while she and I were putting on clown costumes for a picture. You did not just steal a program from a child, you stole the memories of her first circus, and worse yet, her faith in other people. Try explaining to a four-year-old why someone would steal from her. Before I go to bed each night, I get down on my knees and pray that the next time you attend a circus looking for more thieving opportunities, one of those 600-pound tigers will get loose and tear your fucking heart out!! Just like you tore out my precious granddaughter's. Now that would be the Greatest Show on Earth! —Anonymous