Kalah Allen

I've been looking at George Clooney's face for the past 18-and-a-half years, and I just don't get it. He doesn't look that good. I was brushing my teeth tonight, and I thought to myself, "I don't look half bad for a 44-year-old, but I'm no George Clooney." Then, as I stroked my teeth, back and forth, back and forth, I suddenly realized that I was a George Clooney, except for the millions of dollars. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the bedroom of George Clooney when he wakes up in the morning: eyes all puffy from the night before, face all tight and contorted. I would tap the shoulder of my fellow fly-on-the-wall friend and say, "See? I told you it was all a sham. He looks good, but he doesn't look George Clooney good..." I'm not conceited or anything, I just look better than George Clooney in the morning.—Anonymous