Illustration by Kalah Allen

You guys really made my night, you know that? Here I was, finishing up some bathroom-ly duties near a bar on Fremont, and a random movement in a window caught my eye. Lo, and I did behold in the closed-up bar a dark haired man totally giving his all to a hot young thing with bright red streaked hair. Now, my first impulse was to let you two have your moment and give you your privacy, but then I thought fuck it, you know what you're doing. Having sex in plain view like that is only exciting because someone might see you. And tonight that someone was me. I wasn't turned on by this display of after-hours fornication as much fascinated in a detached Animal Planet sort of way, as you pounded her doggy style on the couch. She seemed to be enjoying herself enough to scream in rhythm to your thrusting butt cheeks, until after about seven or eight minutes you finally came and the fascination left the building. So I guess congratulations are in order in that you successfully achieved a kink of public sex whether you know it or not, and I was your public for the entire endeavor. Next time, let's go for 15 minutes!—Anonymous