Kalah Allen

YOU SHOWED UP at my house at 12:30 am. I'd gotten up because I heard something happening out front. There you four were, shouting that we'd stolen your phone and that you'd followed some app to our address. Did it tip any of you off that perhaps you had the wrong place when I appeared barefoot with only a pair of pants on, while my wife was in a robe? You were four drunk girls screaming at us to "JUST GIVE US THE PHONE BACK!" Perhaps you should've figured out how accurate the app is before you started walking around knocking on strangers' doors. And no, we didn't sic our dog on you—you were on our property, so my dog barked at you. This should have been another tip not to go wandering around after midnight harassing people. My wife and I were up for a few hours after you left, wondering what the hell just happened. Which was awesome, since we had to be up at 5:55 am. Thanks, you quartet of idiots.—Anonymous