Illustration by Kalah Allen

I know that stealing a bottle of Cholula hot sauce from a local burrito restaurant isn't the end of the world, but it is dishonest. I had no intention of stealing until I noticed a fresh, unused bottle of Cholula at the condiments bar. I thought about how it would complement the burrito I was taking back to work. I waited until I felt the coast was clear, and put it in my jacket pocket. Later at work I idiotically remarked to my coworkers about my taking of the Cholula. Jaws dropped. My coworkers' reaction allowed me to realize what I did was wrong. I am a 30-year-old professional with a master's degree! Is this what I should be doing in my life? I can afford my own Cholula! I have since removed the contraband from my work fridge so as not to remind my coworkers of my ashamed behavior. I also realized how obvious I must have been to the restaurant employee. I regret having such poor judgment in her presence, because I am a regular customer and I think she is hot. I am sorry I stole the Cholula. It won't happen again.—Anonymous