Illustration by Kalah Allen

To the douchebag at the wine tasting: You looked and sounded like a total fool by talking loud, asking questions that our speaker previously had answered, and announcing you were some sort of "second level wine expert." You were a loud hunk of shit who embarrassed himself when the star of the show walked into the room to meet everyone. Even after being briefed by the tour manager on how NOT to act during the meet and greet, you still stood up, clapped, and shouted the star's name like the drunken asshole you are. Everyone was mocking you, you cocksucker from Bend. What's worse is once we got to our seats you and your jack-hole sidekick were sitting directly behind us. Drunk, loud, and making a fuck out of yourself. It was no surprise security almost threw your fat ass out several times. I was embarrassed for you. And nice "plan" about how you were going to break out of jail if you ended up going that night. I hope you plowed your shit-sled of a car into a fucking utility pole on the way back to Bend. Your performance made me want to punch myself in the face, then vomit.—Anonymous