Illustration by Kalah Allen

I WAS WALKING behind the public library a few months ago, and saw what seemed to be a tie-dyed shirt strung up with twine, hanging from a tree. Assuming it was some creative hippie method of caring for a new addition to one's wardrobe, I just let it be and forgot about it. Today I was walking by there again and saw it still hanging from the tree. After all this time I was curious. I thought maybe someone got stoned and forgot about it, and decided to take it down and investigate. Inside the shirt, on a Frisbee wrapped in red velvet—to my surprise and disgust—were a dead crow and a little pouch that I was too weirded out to open. Seriously? WTF. Here I was expecting an awesome hippie shirt or some such stoner thing, and all I found was something gross that is still confusing the fuck out of me. To the sad freaks practicing amateur witchcraft (or whatever the hell the purpose of that concoction was) behind the public library, I request you knock it the fuck off. What if some kid had found that, and had been so traumatized that he decided to never be curious about anything ever again? What if I get polio because I interrupted your stupid little ritual? Get a healthier hobby, you weird fucks.—Anonymous