I, Anonymous 

I Rob Banks

I am one of many bank robbers. I know the cops have a lot of theories about why I do it, but the real reason is that it is so damn expensive to live around here. I am responsible for some people and don't want to live on the street. I never actually carry a weapon--only a note and some loose fitting clothes. But I also know what dye packs and tracers look like so don't try to hand them to me. Usually, I smile at the teller to let her know she will be OK. I always give away any money I can to people who are down and out, like a guy who lives on disability but still has to pay child support, people in food bank lines, some single moms with kids, and things like that. If I am ever caught (which would have to be by some freak circumstance) I can handle the time because I don't carry a gun. In the meantime though, I have people to take care of. So tellers please understand and thank you for your cooperation.--Anonymous

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To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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