I, Anonymous 

TO MY ROOMMATE

I masturbate in the bathroom sink. That's right. The sink. I admit, when I'm looking for a place to finish the job, there are many more common and sanitary places to uh, deposit my load. I'm pretty sure most guys choose kneeling in front of the toilet, grabbing a wad of toilet paper, or even letting it fly on their own chest. But, personally, I choose to go in the bathroom sink--I can remain standing and can aim pretty well, and when I'm done I can just rinse it all down the drain. I even did it in the kitchen sink once. I can justify this sick tendency by claiming that YOU NEVER BUY ANY FUCKING TOILET PAPER. And then you get pissed if there isn't any and tell me to buy some! So next time you brush your teeth, remember that my load was once where your mouth is. Prick. --Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

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