I, Anonymous 

Brunch Punch

I can't believe all you fucking people working your monotonously boring jobs Monday through Friday, anxiously waiting—fantasizing—about Sunday, when you can finally stand in line for BRUNCH! Just because you didn't choose a career like mine—washing dishes at your local dive bar and selling weed to your neighbor—doesn't give you the right to crowd my favorite restaurant every Sunday just so you can eat! Heck, I don't even know it is Sunday until I drive by and see all you pathetic souls standing out there in the cold, clutching your lukewarm coffee, hoping yours is the next name they'll call, but knowing it won't be. So, next time I drive by and realize it is in fact Sunday, instead of cursing your very existence I'll simply chalk Sunday up as the one day a week I do not get to do whatever I want, whenever I want, honk my horn, and yell, "Suckers!!!" Because I already ate there on Wednesday, and there was no line, the food was fresh, and they didn't run out of chicken apple sausage.—Anonymous

Read more I, Anonymous here

To submit your own rant, rave or confession, email anonymous@portlandmercury.com

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this thread:

Comments are closed.

From the Archives

Most Commented On

Top Viewed Stories

All contents © Index Newspapers, LLC

115 SW Ash St. Suite 600
Portland, OR 97204

Contact Info | Privacy Policy | Production Guidelines | Terms of Use | Takedown Policy